Why a Woman Keeps on Marrying an Alcoholic Over and Over Again

Most of us probably know or have heard about at least one women who has been married several times, and every time she chooses to marry an alcoholic. To the average person this really seems insane. The first thought is, doesn;t she ever learn? Let's take a look at why she may never learn, and reasons why this woman keeps making the same mistake over and over again.

Most women who marry alcoholics again and again, usually come from alcoholic homes when they were growing up. They saw either Mom, an older sibling, and yes, sometimes even themselves doing what most enablers and caretakers do, run their whole life around the alcoholic. This sometimes goes on for years, if not for the whole time this little girl is growing up. You can imagine how she is being conditioned on a daily basis to take care of the alcoholic the best ways she knows how.

Sometimes it's not just about taking care of the alcoholic, but trying to keep the alcoholic happy. Inevitably everyone except the alcoholic learns to walk on egg shells, just to keep the peace. This is a reaction to the possible verbal and physical attacks that may come their way if they choose not to stay in line with the alcoholic's whims.Yes, this little girl learns her job well. It's not about liking the job, it's about survival while growing up in a household that's out of control. Year by year goes by, and she becomes a master at everything she needs to know to care for the alcoholic. There is even a strange sense of security and comfort that she has learned everything she needs to know to keep the situation, as well as the alcoholic in control.

So, how does this affect a woman when she grows up and chooses a man to marry? Most people, whether or not we come from dysfunctional home, tend to choose that which we are familiar with, and give us a sense of security. Yes, when you had a great childhood, with healthy parents, you will look for the same type of man that fills that picture of what is normal to you. When this woman who grew up with an alcoholic parent or parents she is doing the same as well. Sounds crazy, but it makes a lot of sense. Most people believe that if people come from a seriously dysfunctional home that that's the last thing in the world they want. This is true in a sense, but when it comes right down to the choice, good or bad they choose what's comfortable, what they know how to handle, and what they know how to do. There is a sense of security in what they're use to doing, no matter how bad it is. That's why kids oftentimes, would rather have an abusive parent, than no parent at all.

So, up until this point you can kind of understand why a woman chooses this type of man over and over again. It's safe, secure, and she knows really well how to handle this type of man. After all it was her job growing up, and she learned to do it oh so well. The really strange part of all this is, if she decides to leave the alcoholic, and finally ends up with a man that does not drink, chances are the marriage will not last. You may think this absolutely ridiculous, but just remember she never learned her whole life how to live with a sober man. She would have to do something completely different, and that's scary because she may fail. She knows she won't fail with the alcoholic, as she knows that job all to well.

In the end, the only hope for this woman to get out of this cycle of alcoholics is for her to get a lot of counseling. A counselor who is very familiar with Adult Children of Alcoholics issues is her best bet. It would also be extremely helpful for her to go to a group for support as well. There are many Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings in just about every city in America now. With counseling, peer support, and a willingness to change, this woman can give up her alcoholic, and move on to a more happier healthier life, as well as a truly healthy and loving relationship!