Why Women Fake Orgasms and How to Tell
Men like to think when they make love to a woman that she is actually having the best sex of her life, or at the very least, that he has completely satisfied her.
Even though today's women are getting more vocal about sex than, say, our grandmother's generations, there are still a large number of women who just don't feel comfortable telling a man what they want done in bed. They may think it, they may shift their bodies, they may try to imagine some fantasy to get themselves excited when he isn't doing it for them, but very many of them won't say a word. Why? Because women realize how fragile the male ego is. One woman I know said that after years of therapy and decades of marriage, she said to her husband one night during foreplay,
"I'd really like to try to have an orgasm tonight."
"What do you mean. Don't you always?"
"Hmmm...no."
"You have been faking it!"
"Yeah, sometimes."
"How many times have you faked it?"
"Uh....over twenty."
"Twenty times!!?"
"No, over twenty years."
She said her sex life ended that night. Her husband gradually became less and less interested and finally there was no sex life and they lived out the rest of their marriage in celibacy. So telling is not necessarily such a great thing to do.
Why do women fake it? The reasons are probably as varied as the number of women. The most common reasons are
1.) a woman needs to feel close and really trust her partner in order to be that vulnerable. (So unless you are doing it the first time after your engagement or marriage or a truly romantic evening you've been planning for months, she probably faked it.)
2.) she's tired. She just wants it over with.
3.) She wasn't in the mood to begin with, but wanted to go along to keep you from feeling rejected or angry. What she really wanted was a back rub, a foot rub, and a sleeping pill.
4.) You don't turn her own. She takes one look at that beer gut, or the smell you failed to wash off after the yard work, or your breath that has been becoming more funky by the hour She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, because she loves you, so she just tries to get through it as quickly as possible.
5.) She's mad at you. but not mad enough to tell you about it. So she will just go through the motion while cussing you in her mind and smiling about how you are such an idiot you can't tell the difference.
6.) She has tried over and over to tell you to slow down or how she likes it, but you think you have such great equipment it will work regardless of how you use it, so you just ignore her hints.
7.) She's afraid she's taking too long and she thinks you're getting tired, so she fakes it so you can think you've done your job and stop working at it.
So yes, women fake it. All women. And someone you've been with has probably faked it. So how do you tell?
1.) If she still has a lot of energy afterward, and wants to jump up and get the load of clothes from the dryer, she didn't have an orgasm.
2.) If you are inside her, and her vagina or uterus does not have wild contractions, you didn't give her an orgasm.
3.) Most women have a flush around the face and neck and their nipples get hard when they orgasm. If her's didn't, she probably didn't either.
4.) If she is able to talk through her orgasm, like women in the movies, "Oh God.... You are so gooodd...That's soo gooodd... Yes, Oh God...That's good. Oh Godddd.." she's faking it. Real orgasms sounds more like "Oh, uh, ahhhh...eh..eh..." Real conversations are not possible.
5.) If she rushes you. If you start touching her down there, and she quickly gives you the message she is ready to have intercourse, she's just trying to get it over with.
6.) If you've had less than five minutes of touching her down there and then started intercourse, or if you had short foreplay and have been going at intercourse for awhile and suddenly she starts the scene from "When Harry Met Sally", chances are she's just trying to get you through your orgasm so you'll go to sleep or go home.
7.) If she suddenly wants to talk right after, she didn't have one. If she wants to cuddle, have you hold her, if she cries (sometimes) or just seems very vulnerable, then she probably did.
8.) Once a woman has an orgasm, she becomes very sensitive there. If you can keep on rubbing like you have been, and she's not shoving away your hand, she probably didn't have one.
So if you think your girlfriend or wife is faking it, should you ask? No. Just read a lot and learn to get better. If she tries to rush you through it, say, "I don't care about intercourse tonight. I'd rather just play and please you." She will be so surprised she just might get into it.
Now a little about female anatomy. A man named Ian Kerner once said, "I think most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than what's under the hood of a clitoris." If that describes you, then fix that. You have the internet. Stop looking up things that turn you on and start learning about what turns her own. Most women don't have orgasms through intercourse. They need clitoral stimulation. Most don't like it rubbed roughly or firmly. More like it stroked around the clitoris and not directly. Be prepared to do this for awhile. And don't rub her if she seems dry there. That hurts. If she's not sufficiently wet, use a lubricant before you begin. Add more as needed.
The more you talk to her outside the bedroom, the more she trusts you with her secrets, and her feelings, the more she feels accepted by you, the more she will be likely to discuss in the bedroom what she likes. Now stop pouting because you just figured out your girl has been faking it, and get in there and figure out how to give her a REAL one.
Published by Eliana Cohen
My Bachelor's degree doesn't mean as much to me as my degree in the school of life. Struggles in living have taught me a lot, like single motherhood, divorce, surviving, etc. View profile
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25 Comments
Post a CommentThis article was great. When she said "all women fake it" she meant at some point int ime, ALL of us have faked it...Dont lie! The female orgasm is hard to acheive, and you shouldnt feel guilty about it!
women... don't lie unless you are o.k. with being lied to... if you cannot confide your inner emotions needs and desires with the person your making love with... than realistically you prob shouldn't be making love with that person... the bedroom is a place where relationships flourish and many die... if you cannot confide in your partner in such an intimate setting... then realistically.. you prob shouldnt be in that setting..
this article is pretty terrible. NOT all women fake it, and the assumption that men don't have the emotional capacity to handle it when a women says that they didn't like the sex is incredibly sexist and wrong. Opening up emotionally is a two way street and both men AND women have to try to do that. How would women feel if guys wrote articles saying "Guess what? All that porn your guy watches is what he wishes he could do with you! But he'll never tell you because he knows you're too insecure to handle it!"
Think about the man's perspective too, its not like we don't think about yours. I've seen more educated relationship commentary on 4chan.
You cant say all women fake it.Ive been having sex with my bf for 3 1/2 years and I have NEVER faked an orgasm! He makes me have one nearly every time we have sex and I never fake it because I dont feel the need to. I can see where the rest of this article makes sense tho...because if I cant orgasm its usually from a reason on the list in this article. Maybe my bf is just really good in bed :-)
Sites like this will publish anything. Its a dangerous game you play when you have someone who isn't that highly educated writing an opinion piece as if it were factual. The problem is some people make the mistake of thinking their own experience justifies giving advice that isn't necessarily generalizable t a general population.
No offense, but an undergrad degree in education and your own experiences do not come anywhere close to qualifying you to write information like this. Just look at your reasons, you just deduced them from "common sense", which is unfortunately errant in nature as common sense does not always apply.
The danger here is that people who are not used to reading research or critiquing any normal opinions may think this to be factual, any may have dire consequences as they attempt to apply your theories to their life.
I don't blame you however, as you are entitled to your opinion. It is an unfortunate outcome of technology. As these theories would have previo
First of all for a woman there has to be love and desire! Lose either one of those & achieving orgasm will automatically be more difficult, along with a closeness and being able to talk openly to each other...if u love them truly that should be easy. That's from my experience anyway. Those in loving relationships without desire...its up to them to try and re-introduce desire or if it just isn't there then its your decision what is more important... love or orgasm.
A couple needs to be honest with each other about everything, including sexual satisfaction. On the times that i don't get an orgasm, my husband figures it out. I am very honest in my body language with him, and he can easily tell if I got an orgasm or not. We talk over what could have been done differently/ how it can be corrected. My husband is sensitive enough to take my suggestions... Some times the suggestions work and I orgasm.. sometime they don't. But I am very satisfied in my sexual life since we both don't feel the need to lie.. We work as a team and try our best to reach orgasm.. and if it didn't happen today, then oh well, there is always another day..
Paul I guess your wife was right your frigile ego could not take the truth. It not about you it is about BOTH of you. You have the nerve to critizie her for trying to save your fragile ego?? If you love her and want her to continue having sex with you drop the toxic attitude. A man like you should not be in a relationship if you think women are so bad. I didn't read anything in your post that indicated that you made an effort to learn about how to bring a woman to orgasm. Instead of wasting time, do the research and work with your wife. There is an increasing number of sexless marriages because woman know they can orgasm with a skilled lover and if there partner is not interested he gets little sex. Of course you may think you are the only one who has the option to cheat or divorce but I'd advise you to look at the stats, she is likely to cheat and leave you if you don't get it right.
Don't condemn a women who fakes an orgasm. She may be doing it to protect the male psyche. I have never ever faked an orgasm in my life. I have also been married for twenty years. After being married for several years, my husband started making a big deal of the fact I could not orgasm. It wasn't a big deal to me but it was a big deal to him. He thought it meant I did not love him and wanted to screw other men. This could not have been farther from the truth. Honestly, I never faked an orgasm because I did not know how being that I had never had one. I asked my husband, "Would you prefer that I fake it?" He said, "Of course not".
But it seems that he would have rather I faked it. Then he would not think there was something wrong with me.
Eventually, I found out that most women need a vibrator to have an orgasm and there is nothing psychologically or emotionally wrong with a women who does not have them from normal sexual activity.
Women would stop faking orgasms if the
Great article - nailed it. I have never had an orgasm with a man but I can get my self off with a vibrator with ease. The men I was with did not seem to care, they were not bad men. The length of the relationship was inversely related to the time between start to finish of sex. They seemed to get lazy and think that after a certain amount of time, they do not need to take time, it strait to penetration and their orgasm 10 mins tops. Yet all of the men wanted a bj!!. I stop giving bj if the man will not take time, I ask him to slow down but they seemed to forget after one week. So I slowly decrease sex to zero and keep telling them - same thing!! I read so amy times about increase in sexless marriage - but no one mentions lack of sexual skills on the part of men and a refusal to work on it - just chores, communication bla bla. They miss the point for some reason - gets boring watching a man have orgasm using my vagina. Also the attitude outside of the bedroom changes, they took me for