Why Do Women like Dating Bad Boys?

MC Lyte rapped about ruffnecks. Da Brat said that's what she was looking for. Angie Stone said they were misunderstood and loved the ones behind bars. What is the appeal of these guys?

Oftentimes people tend to think that women who are interested in a hardcore or thuggish personality must have self-esteem issues. They're labeled the ones who "don't know what a good man is" and the ones who need to stop watching movies and meet real, hard-working men. But sometimes it may not be her self-worth that's the question; she may just be comfortable around certain types of men or she may see more than what he appears to be to you.

Disclaimer: The writer for this entry is not trying to excuse violent behavior, gang life, or encourage women to go for negative men. This entry is only to explain the mindset that a woman may have by pursuing the bad guy or wanting to be the Bonnie to his Clyde.

Critics may not understand why she's comfortable being the ride-or-die chick or have a man who will defend her honor. We all cheer for the person in the movie who can protect his woman or the woman who stands by her man even when he's wrong. That hero fixation doesn't go away when the lights come on in the theater. She wants to feel like if she's in a dangerous situation, she doesn't have to do the fighting for him or be left standing alone while he runs away. A man who can protect himself and her too tends to carry a certain confidence or swagger that draws her to him.

Critics may not understand why a woman would go after a guy who is or used to being in a gang, but they may not know that this guy joined a gang in self-defense or was just dead tired of being jumped everyday at school for not being gang affiliated. In certain neighborhoods, especially in larger cities, it is not uncommon for young men to be stopped and asked what "set" or gang they represent. If the guy says none, then he may be perceived as a liar in order to get out of an uncomfortable situation or he may be telling the truth. But either way it goes, he's not on the gang's side, and that means trouble. And as easy as it is to get into a gang, it's way harder to get out of one. Gangs are not meant to be temporary memberships, and even when he may try to disassociate himself, that doesn't mean that his enemies will recognize (or trust) this new clean way of life.

Critics may not understand why a woman would go after a guy who's wearing braids, a doorag, a white T-shirt or sagging pants. Every fashion decision is not going to get a unanimous decision, and although some may like the white T-shirt craze, others are not impressed. While some may find it sexy to see a man's boxer shorts in plain sight, others want him to pull up his pants. While some think a doorag is pointless to wear once the wave effect of hairstyles like braids or Ceasar haircuts have been formed while others find it attractive. Some may think braids look "ghetto" when in fact it's just a hairstyle the same way a bob or a Mohawk or stacks are. Both men and women are visual creatures, and although clothes can make people judge one another, every guy who's wearing the latest "thug" hip hop gear is not necessarily a thug; he may just be a fan of the style in the same way another guy likes button-down shirts, suits, or top hats.

Critics may not understand why a woman would go after a guy who consistently has legal issues, but they may not know what this woman knows-this guy could've been raised in a household where prison was a right of passage in the same way that activities like hunting or gang life or even fraternity or sorority affiliation are. He may have been raised in an environment where police were heavy on racial profiling or been convicted of a crime he did not commit or genuinely trying to live an honest life but unable to take care of himself because of stalled employment opportunities. That's not to say he enjoys this lifestyle, but in his mind, he may feel there are no better alternatives. Is it up to her to change his mind? If not her, there are anti-gang organizations and other nonviolent organizations and artists who will do the same type of mentoring-why should she be any different?

Critics may not understand why a woman would want to be around a guy who is not on her level academically, socially or professionally. But they may not know that this woman could have been a childhood friend to guys like him or that particular party. They may not know that this guy is actually a better math student than she is or took college classes but found that music or manual work was more his cup of tea. They don't see the little boy who sat on her front porch or the one she could talk into playing "house" when they were little.

So are women making excuses for guys who fit a thuggish lifestyle by saying they know more about them than what's on the surface? Or, are others too harsh on women for making their own decisions and connecting with the bad boy mentality? Either way, no matter the person, instead of labeling her as worthless for liking a certain type of guy, she's not going to change her type until she's good and ready. In the meantime, men who refuse to fit into that bad boy lifestyle should look for women who also have those ideals instead of trying too hard to be that guy.