Why Women like SUVs

I've often noticed that large, heavy sport utility vehicles are driven by women. I've thought about it and pondered the rationale behind it. What is it about these big, heavy cars that attract ladies? I mean, aren't they clumsy-looking, harder to drive and wasteful with fuel? How come I often see attractive, small, lightweight ladies driving ugly, huge, heavy monsters? Hmm.. must be something there...

Let's face it: heavy, strong cars are intimidating. If I am driving a jalopy reminiscent of a Playskool car and a huge Escalade comes growling at my tail, I am pretty much forced to move away or risk death. Large, fast cars symbolize aggression and power and disposable income. They are definitely intimidating in some situations and to some people. But when I see a lady tailgating me in an SUV I'll make up my mind whether or not I will accommodate her and speed or switch based on a judgement call taking into consideration what's ahead of me(I try to save fuel when I can), her car's brand, and her facial expression and possible lipreading. I'm personally not worried about being rear-ended because I need a new bumper anyway and I know as long as I drive reasonably chances are I'm OK. Plus I kind of wanted to try getting a $2000 check anyway.

It also occurred to me: these big cars offer protection. Perhaps there's some relation between it and the common attraction in American society to the high school football-linebacker type guys. Anyways, yes there's no doubt about it, if I am driving a 3-ton army tank like the Hummer and crash into a Ford Pinto or old Mini Cooper, I will come out alive and whole and my opponent will get hurt a bit more and possibly be smashed flat like Wile E. Coyote. My frappuccino will probably still be standing too, and probably the hair would still look nice.

And no need to worry about going over a curb or getting a scratch - with all that extra steel you can afford a little bumper car action. It happened to me at Wal-Mart once too, and my mid-sized sedan's behind got the damage, not that steel butt of the 4Runner. I let it slide too, even though I'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault. But that's why it's better to drive defensively and assume everyone around you can't drive I guess.

Lovely, delicate, and petite cell-phone-clasping ladies deserve and need protection from a big strong armored vehicle. Alas, being independent, a busy soccer mom, or the chairwoman of the local PTA entitles a lady to a burly, loud, and lethal tank. Nevermind that her vehicle gulps fuel like a hog.

But there must be more to it in the SUVs appeal. Perhaps it's that height. There is something to be said about having a nice view of everyone else. With some people it's an ego thing. Hmmm.. but SUVs are clumsy cars with approximate handling. Who cares! Let others get out of the way.

The Hummer must have been at least partially named so because of the words it comprises - "mum" and "Her." And SUVs with names like Santa Fe, Sequoia, Acadia, VUE, Cayenne, Tribeca, and Pacifica leave little doubt who automakers were targeting. I mean, what's next? Chevy Strawberry and Acura Lala? Saturn OMG XE and Honda Xena? It's definitely a huge business and the ladies are driving it.

Anyway... so now I understand why these 2-ton behemoths are attractive to ladies. Perhaps one day I'll be forced to get my lady one, if only to protect her. Hopefully there will be much more affordable and greener hybrid SUVs one day(Lexus and Toyota have pretty fuel-efficient ones but they're not cheap). But seriously, what's wrong with a Corolla or Camry people? They're pretty nice and comfy right? In Europe everyone's happy with small, efficient cars. Plus very reliable. If only SUVs were banned nobody would have to worry about not seeing ahead or being hurt by bigger cars. So I will lobby Congress - but no doubt my Southern Congress representatives drive fat SUVs so it'll go to the shredder.

To conclude... ladies, you know I'm teasing and you all (well most of you) are lovely and it's fine that you like the SUVs I guess I might like them too when I'm in a rush or want a shortcut across the median. I guess they might be kinda useful... just sometimes. Yeah and of course many of you don't drive them and maybe some of you don't like them at all. And there's no doubt that men(usually in their teens or early 20s) who drive SUVs are the ones who probably waste more fuel by tailgating and speeding recklessly in them. One day they will just be too expensive for middle class people, and we'll have to be more frugal and earth-friendly. We will go back to horses and ride solar-powered flat blankets or bikes. Then we can chop & use SUVs as backup FEMA trailers maybe. Or ocean reefs so the fish can breed in those oversized cup holders.