Why Women Love Men Behind Bars
It seems the more notorious the criminal the more women that line up to see him and write letters. You would think a man in prison can't have a girlfriend but, you would be surprised how many available women are available to felons even if they aren't in the public spotlight. Some couples meet by visitation, letter writing, and others by phone. Typically it tends to be the woman reaching out to the men, but why? Bank robbers, murderers, rapists, and serial killers don't seem like people women would want to have a relationship with. Many are attracted to the danger and all are fascinated if not infatuated with the bad man of their desires.
Some women move miles away from family and friends to be with these men while others still take 2-3 hour long trips to go visit these men at jail. Women who love men behind bars let it rule their lives. Their daily routine tends to revolve around jail visitation hours making parenting, work, and even day to day life more difficult than it would be under normal circumstances. Women who love and marry men behind bars constantly play the victim time and time again. These relationships with men behind bars can have disastrous effects on the children and family of the woman involved.
How does something like this happen to what seems a totally normal woman? Well, most women that love bad men tend to have one thing in common; they are all insecure. They want someone to love them and they want to feel wanted. Usually they are lonely, don't have many friends, and often don't have strong relationships with family. But, don't be fooled because it can happen to anyone. Even a married woman may fall for a man behind bars and risk her life for him.
Women who love bad men are looking for danger, excitement, and unconditional love. All of these traits are commonly found in criminals which makes it understandable why these women fall for these men. Men behind bars are taken care of; the women don't have to worry about where he is because he is always in the same place, jail. They don't have to clothe, feed, or clean up after these men, which I assume is part of the obsession.
How can you tell if a woman you know is involved with a felon or someone that is incarcerated? There are often not a lot of signs but if you pay attention there are clues that you can see. Often the relationship is a secret or the woman doesn't introduce the man for months, if at all. Women who are normally outgoing can be quiet, timid even, and won't talk much when they are with these bad men. She will risk everything for the prisoner, even if it means loosing a job, estrangement of family members, and even suffering financial loss.
And what if she wants to marry this man behind bars? When it comes right down to it most women would throw away everything to be with these men. Trying to stop the marriage or refusing to speak to her usually won't work. There are lots of hardships and pain when it comes to dating someone behind bars, but when it comes to marriage there is more at stake than these women think. Typically it tends to be a very lonely marriage, it can be very hard for the children to deal with, and often it ends with divorce. Overall, it doesn't really seem worth all the trouble but women are putting themselves through this everyday.
Generally relationships with men behind bars tend to take a serious tone very, very quickly. Many women involved with men like that describe the relationship as a whirlwind, fast, and sometimes volatile. Sometimes the women actually do have something in common with the incarcerated like both being molested or abused as a child but these kind of things are often not a solid basis for a relationship and things can go wrong at any time.
For women who love bad men there are deeper issues that need to be dealt with other than their choice of man. A woman's relationship with a prisoner can be detrimental to all aspects of her life and those involved in it. Women who fall for men behind bars have psychological and emotional issues that need to be dealt with, sooner rather than later. Families need to become tighter knit as they were in the past in order to avoid problems like this in the future.
Published by Rachel Pickett
Rachel is currently a Sort Manager at FedEx. In her free time, Rachel enjoys cooking, painting, drawing, doing crosswords, and writing. Rachel was born and raised in NY and now lives in NC. View profile
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- It seems the more notorious the criminal the more women that line up to see him and write letters.
- Some women move miles away from family and friends to be with these men .
- Often the relationship is a secret or the woman doesn't introduce the man for months, if at all.
17 Comments
Post a CommentGerald, that is by far the most immature, and coldest thing you could say. Are you mad because you can't get any women? That must be it. I probably would be too, but seriously grow up. Anyways, if you love someone and were with them before and their crime is nothing too serious (Of course not murder or rape) but something like robbery, theft, drug dealing, etc. I see nothing wrong with staying with your man, and it takes a very strong woman to do that. I can't say I completely understand women who write, and meet a man already in prison, but whatever works for them (Again, as long as his crime is not something so serious). It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or insecure just because you love a man who sold drugs or robbed a bank, or whatever. I'm sure it's a hard thing to go through, and like I said it takes a strong woman. I wish all you ladies the best that have said you were in relationships with inmates. I think when men get out and have a woman waiting on
I think women who seek out men in prison who are killers, rapists, etc have bigger issues then the men. I agree with the writer, these women have low self-esteem and insecure, and just plain stupid and you cannot fix stupid.
I am a woman involved with an inmate (I will call him M for ease of reference). M and I were neighbors and childhood friends. We grew apart in our adult years, but were reunited after my family learned of his mother being killed by a drunk driver and I wrote him to express my condolences. After the initial correspondence, we started to write more and I started to visit him (it ended up that he was less than an hour away from me). We were just friends for a few years before we realized that we were falling in love. This was not a whirlwind romance or anything close to that but a gradual deepening connection. Even though I have made the decision to commit myself to M at this time, I would never in my wildest dreams contemplate marrying him until he has been out for years, we have established a "real" relationship (a relationship with him behind bars is far from "real") and he has proven himself to be a good and truly changed man. Our families know each other and my family accepts
To all you hoes that chase criminal men. I have this to say: I hope he kills you, and while you are dying, you regret all the stupid decisions you've made. Have fun out there! :)
for his mistakes, and, is looking forward for a fruitful life when out of there.
feel free to speak your mind up, and thank you for your attention.
i will be short.
i am actually having "an affair" with a bank rober.
I sought him, and after sometime we have grown very very close .. even thinking about a future together.
I have very strong family ties, unusually strong, am very educated, (english is not my 1st language) and, yes i feel very lonely and in a bad marriage with a very educated man.
I feel i am in love with him.. he is in federal prison, and is educating himself further to the point to have learn several languages.
Deep inside, i am like looking to nurture him and help him with his struggles and pains.. but surprisingly he is very strong and rather wants to help me and enlighten me with some issues i might have. He has high dreams and is pursuing a phd at this moment... yes, alot of this could be a lie.. but, i have actually spoke and written with him in 3 different languages so far, and he is so fluent, and has learn them in jail.
Looks to me, he is not in pain, deppressed or the like, he has repented f
it makes more sense you are in love with the person before the crime, but to actually reach a serial killer or rapist who you did not know and find him attractive because of his crime is very crazy and creepy, no matter how much you fantasize about danger, there is a huge difference between wanting some excitement and wanting to date a sociopath (which usually feel not love but are good at pretending they do)... i stick with nice guys all the time, but i stick to the ones who do cool sports, and work hard, and have a strong personality... and to me that has brought me enough excitement.
i'm in love with gang member love him so damn much i've been with him 3yrs 9months out here the rest in there my love for him grew more he is one of the most caring persons ever realy smart im 21yrs old im medical asst FINISHING school for RN .
Rachel, thank you for taking the time to see things from a different perspective and commenting about it. I am the gf of an incarcerated man (been together 3 years before his arrest). I stay with him because he made a mistake that he is paying for and it doesn't dimish my love or dedication to him and our relationship. Please understand that neither one of us is proud of where he is.
It takes a really strong woman to take care of business while they are gone and I have to believe that we are the majority of those waiting on our loved ones in prison.
I do think that to lump all women into the same group was wrong of you and I appreciate your willingness to admit you were wrong.
Since my recent comments have fueled such a debate there's a few things I'd like to say. I can admit that I was wrong by classifying and stereotyping the women who date men behind bars; lumping them all into a category of insecure and emotionally fragile women. It'd be the same if I said all men behind bars were bad and deserved to be there, when sometimes this is not the case. Since writing this piece I have learned that although many of these women do hold true to what I said, there are those who do not. Some of these women are strong willed, independent, and have great family ties. No one made me judge and jury....so why take so seriously things I said at an immature time in my life?