Why Women Are so Stressed Out

Women are so stressed because we have to put on bras. Pantyhose are pretty stressful, too, but that is becoming more and more optional. Bras, however, we're stuck with until we can place an anti-gravity field around our chests. Men, you are more than welcome to continue reading this, especially if you are considering cross-dressing. You will get to know what we have to go through if we want to leave the house. And yes, it's a long explanation.

Case in Point: Me

Bras are a necessary evil in a woman's life, if the woman has breasts. That's a key element. When I was homeless, I lost so much weight that I lost my breasts and nobody knew where to find them. One the one hand, I was hungry. On the other hand, I didn't have to wear a bra anymore. My stress levels balanced out because I replaced one stress (putting on a bra) with another (trying to find enough food to survive.)

Now that I'm homed again and more or less eating on a regular basis, my breasts are back and they need to be properly confined. Because I have a dog, she needs to be walked in the morning. This means I have to put on a bra (as well as other clothes, of course) but you try untangling a thin piece of practically nothing early in the morning. I need to get dressed and I'm trying to solve the Rubik's Cube of clothes.

Tips For Less Stressful Bra Putting-On

• First off, take a deep breath. Your brain will need all of the oxygen it can get.
• Try to locate the shoulder straps. Once you've identified these, you can assume the rest of the paraphernalia are the cups and the hook and eye part that suspiciously resembles a saddle girth .
• If it's a sport bra, stick over your head and pray that you are putting your arms in the right holes. Shutting your eyes and making a wish is also recommended. Then open your eyes, swear and adjust where necessary.
• For a hook on bra, it's far easier to hook the girth in front of you where you can see what you are doing and then slide the hook around to your back and have the cups in front of. Movies and books casually remark about women who are able to hook a bra or unhook a bra with one hand while the hooks are on the back. This ability is a myth. No woman I have ever known has been able to put a bra on by hooking it from the back. Don't stress yourself out by even trying it. It's not worth it. And if anyone reading this knows how to do it, I hate you.
• Stick arms through the flimsy little straps, pray they won't choose today to snap, and adjust accordingly.
• Laugh at yourself and get on with the day.

Best Tip - Have Breakfast First

The most important tip for less stress when putting a bra on is to have at least a cup of tea or coffee before making the attempt. Having your breakfast (or whatever meal you have when you wake up) helps wake you up and get your body warmed for the gymnastic event of getting dressed.

Also, if you have any kind of eye problems, be sure you have enough light to put a bra on by. This is even brighter than the light you need in order to easily read by. A bra is usually all one color, even the hooks, and you will not be able to rely on sense of touch alone.

Zen And The Art of Putting On A Bra

Learning how to put on a bra is not like learning how to ride a bike (which I've never managed, but anyway…) Once you learn how to put on one bra one day does not necessarily mean you have learned to put the same bra on all the rest of the days of your life. You have to relearn this process every single stinking day. If you have trouble getting your bra on, don't stress out over being "stupid". You are not stupid. You are trying to put on a bra. Try not to think about it, and just do it.

If you do find yourself thinking thoughts like, "This is crap I was supposed to learn when I was 12 years old -", don't even waste time chiding yourself for chiding yourself. Just gently bring your mind back to the act of putting the bra on. Just focus on the moment, not what you have to do the rest of the day. This is one of the most practical uses of learning mediation or yoga for a woman - dealing with how to put the bra on, and quite possibly pantyhose as well.

Either that or just go back to bed.