Why Won't My Transsexual Friend Just Be Gay?

"Hey Tiff…. This is 2006. It's okay to be gay in society nowadays. I assume you are doing this because you want to sleep with men. Why not just be gay?"

I thought I would try to explain the answer to this question a bit better than I have previously. So… here goes:

MOST of life has almost nothing to do with the bedroom or romance. In fact, most of GENDER preferences have nothing to do with the bedroom or romance. For MOST people, sex and romance, are really about the most frustrating aspects of life and of gender. When a girl talks about how cool it is to be a girl (sorry to burst your bubble guys) she is talking about every aspect of what that means, and if pressed, most women would add "except for the sex part".

Conversely, when men celebrate being men, they are more than likely talking about the fun involved in typically male activities, such as sports, competitions, things that instill brotherhood among men. While a man is more likely to include pornography in his celebration of male-hood, the reality is that what he likes MOST about being a man is just about EVERYTHING except sex. In fact, just as women have body issues about their fat accumulation, the size of their boobs, the condition of their skin, etc, a man has issues when it comes to sex about the size of his penis (even if his is big), whether or not it will stay erect, how his sexual prowess compares to others, whether he has too much or too little body hair, etc.

When it comes to gender, Sex is MORE frustrating, not LESS frustrating because of gender, more convoluted, not more clarified. Being a transsexual has NOTHING to do with who I wish to be romantic or sexual with. As a matter of fact, I am happily married to a woman that I love with all of my heart, and if it were not for the fact that she is not a lesbian, I would likely have transitioned my external gender to match my inner gender long ago. 70% of male to female transsexuals are STRICT lesbians. 15% of Male to female transsexuals identify as bi-sexual, and only 10% of male to female transsexuals wish to sleep with men exclusively.

The idea that being transsexual has anything to do with who you want to sleep with is like assuming that because a person is latino that they were raised catholic, or that because a man is black, he likes watermelon or can't swim. While there are gay people who express themselves effeminately and sometimes even don the clothing of the opposite sex, there is a big difference between how one costumes themselves for the sake of expression, and how one celebrates gender for the sake of expressing their soul.

Why not just be gay? In all likelihood, if you have a friend who is a male to female transsexual, it will take a transition to make that person appear to be what society associates as homosexual. In other words, the term "lesbian in a man's body" applies more often than not when applied to transsexuals (70% of the time). Never assume that your black friend is good at sports, that your tall friend enjoys basketball, your skinny friend starves themselves, your fat friend gorges herself, your Asian friend can help you with your math homework , your Arab friend hates Israel, or that your male to female transsexual friend wants to sleep with men. Stereotypes have no value in understanding individuals and they lead to a culture of naiveté. I hope that this article has served to explain for you once and for all why it is that your transsexual friend needs to change the appearance of their physical gender to match who they are inside, and why just "being gay" won't cut the mustard.

We should ALL, each of us celebrate our gender… and we should give credence to the fact that gender isn't about what we can see. It's about all of the wonderful things we CAN'T see. If you are a girl, CELEBRATE being a girl. If You are a boy, CELEBRATE being a boy. I am a girl. I got the wrong body, but in my soul I AM a girl. I celebrate that. Just like all of you who were born in the right bodies; my celebration of gender is a celebration of every aspect of femininity. When it comes to listing the great things about being a woman, sex is so far down on the list as to miss the list completely. In that regard, I am truly no different than you once you think about it.