Why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work and What You Can Do About It

Each year, around this time, most of us make a list. I'm not talking about the annual holiday gift shopping, or who to invite for New Year's. I'm talking about our New Year's resolutions.

If you're like most of us, your list is probably not too different from what it was last year. This is simply because we usually don't deliver on our resolutions. Why is that? And more importantly, what can you do to make your New Year's resolutions more likely to come true this year?

Popular New Year's resolutions

Many New Year's resolutions focus on relationships, such as spending more time with family or finding a soul-mate. Others concentrate on personal growth, such as reducing stress, getting organized, enjoying life more, learning something new, or helping others.

A host of New Year's resolutions center on our finances, such as getting a better job, getting out of debt and saving money. With the epidemic of obesity, many resolve to eat right, exercise and lose weight.

Why do most New Year's resolutions fail?

We're creatures of habit, our lives usually determined by the "path of least resistance." We do what we do because it's easiest. Like a cart running in a circle. Over time it wears down the ground into ruts. The longer that cart goes around, the deeper the ruts and the harder it is to change course.

The Red Queen in "Alice through the Looking Glass" says 'Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!'

The pace of our life is so frenetic that when it comes to things we have control over, we just want to keep things as they are. New Year's resolutions are hard. You're taking on your toughest opponent - yourself.

If you seek success, harness your passion

Fire yourself up about your resolutions. This isn't something that would happen anyway. You're out to achieve breakthroughs. You'll need commitment and follow-through. Just because everyone says you'd be better off losing weight doesn't make it your passion. And guess what - if you're not passionate about it, it won't happen.

If you concentrate on the negative, like how those 20 lbs make you look, you'll avoid even thinking about it. To become passionate, make your resolution about something positive. Resolve to run around with your kids for two hours in the park without passing out and success is more likely.

Bite off only as much as you can chew and you may be able to swallow

As I said, we're creatures of habit. Take this into account. Make gradual changes in one aspect of your life at a time. Be persistent and make the changed lifestyle a new habit. If you consciously stay on track for three weeks, chances are, staying the course will be much easier.

Do your best not to fall off the wagon, but when you do, forgive yourself for being human and move on. We all experience failure in life. When this happens, learn from your failure. Ask yourself - what stopped you from doing what you said? Can you avoid that circumstance in the future?

Any course that gets you from here to there is better than just letting things slide. There's a saying that "perfect is the enemy of good enough." If you hold out for perfection you will never be satisfied. Your task will never be done and you will never be able to move on to the next one.

Resolve to do better next year than you do now. Holding out for becoming an imaginary perfect self is self-defeating.

Make your plans concrete and you'll have something to hold on to

As soon as you make your list of resolutions, make a plan. Come up with measurable milestones for your resolution, each requiring a small step. Write down your plan and put your milestones in your daily planner. For each milestone, add to your "to do" list whatever is needed to reach it.

Prioritize your goals and fit your plans into your schedule. If you work 80 hours a week and get home exhausted just in time to tuck your kids in bed, you may not be able to go to the gym every day. Perhaps using the stairs instead of the elevator will be easier to schedule in.

If this is what your life is like, resolve instead to enjoy your life and spend time with your family and friends. It's quite possible this will help with other areas of your life you're not happy with. You may find your stress level decreasing, and that in turn may help you lose weight.

It's OK to set ambitious goals, but use the milestones to break them down into small pieces. Set up a realistic time-table, even if it's longer than 12 months. Don't overload yourself. If you make too many resolutions you'll likely fail with most or all of them.

Set yourself up to win and you're on your way to success

Each time you achieve a milestone on the way to your New Year's resolutions, reward yourself. Buy yourself a book, or go out on a date with your partner someplace out of the ordinary.

If you resolved to spend less, find something that doesn't require spending. Go out for a walk on the beach on a moonlit evening, take a day to reconnect, or spend time on a hobby you've been meaning to get to.

The fact that you need a New Year's resolution to work on the issue at hand means you're unlikely to achieve much without help. Involve family and trusted friends in your plans so they can nudge you gently back on track when you go off course. Don't forget - if you could do it on your own it would already be done. Teamwork is your road to success.

Good luck and Happy New Year!