Wild Hogs Review

Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, profanity
Genre: Action and Adventure, Comedy
Runtime: 99 min
Distributors: Touchstone Pictures, Walt Disney

The only thing in Wild Hogs that comes close to resembling a wild hog is Tim Allen when he has a mid-life crisis at the dinner table. With a mouth full of meat he drinks out of the gravy boat and devours a whole stick of butter. Now that's a wild hog! The film starts out slowly and never really puts the pedal to the metal. "A lot can happen on the road to nowhere." Well a lot can happen in the comfort of my own home where I can use the toilet instead of a plastic bag, too. "Guys, this is poo."

Maybe the overqualified actors are what saved the film and brought in the $40 million in the first three days. John Travolta is a wealthy businessman with a depleted bank account and a super model ex-wife. Tim Allen's a worn-out suburban dentist with high cholesterol. Martin Lawrence is a plumber that certainly doesn't wear the pants in his relationship. And William H. Macy is a wimpy computer nerd.

Every week they make a habit of riding their Harleys to a local bar where the other bikers poke fun at them and their sowed on patches. After some consideration, the four "wanna-be bikers" decide to go on a road trip as a way to escape from the monotony of their aging lives. They get the genius idea of ditching their cell phones before they hit the highway. Things get ugly when later they run into Ray Liotta's biker gang.

But before that happens they manage to burn their tent down, get bugs smeared on their faces, go skinny dipping, get rained on, poop in a bag, get hit-on by a gay traffic cop, and pee standing next to each other. But things don't really heat up until they run into the Del Fuegos and accidentally blow up Ray Liotta's Biker Bar. They flee to the quiet town of Madrid where they eat hot chili, dance with each other, get hit in the groin, and slap a bull. And one even falls in love thus saving the city from the Del Fuegos and re-uniting with their wives.

On a positive note there are lessons to be learned. The broke lawyer discovers that there's more to life than money. The hen-pecked smart-ass finds the courage to stand up to his shrieking shrew of a wife. The shy nerd builds up confidence to talk to the spunky waitress and finds love. And the unhappy dentist learns the importance of being you. Maybe the most important lessen learned was one they stated themselves. "We're not Wild Hogs. We're more like Wild Lambs." I wouldn't see it again if I were hogged-tied.