Wild Turkeys Stalk Citizens in Suburbia

This is the time of year when most Americans gather around a table full of delicious foods, and celebrate the goodness of the Lord. But one who is not celebrating is the turkey! Wild turkeys are protesting in Brookline, Massachusetts. One poor woman, on the way to her optician, was stalked by a turkey, who pecked at her bottom all the way through the suburban streets, over the train tracks, and through heavy traffic. Another woman requested that Animal Control help her, after finding 18 turkeys in her backyard. Later, a man called for assistance because 4 turkeys were chasing him. A doctor was forced to take refuge in a Dunkin Donuts shop, in order to flee a 3 foot turkey that was aggressively pursuing her. It appears to be a case of turkeys gone wild!

All across America, turkeys are apparently taking a liking to suburbia.Turkeys are known to be aggressive, and will often chase anything that moves, including pets, people, bicycles, and automobiles. Wild turkeys can grow to a height of 4 feet tall, and run at the Marathon speed of 20 mph. They have been known to chase postal workers, children, and joggers. Turkeys are definitely waging war, by placing humans in a "pecking order" below themselves, according to turkey wildlife expert, Jim Cardoza, of Massachusetts. And according to the senior vice president of the National Wild Turkey Federation, James Earl Kennamer, "...they'll fight you to show who's dominant.

If you turn your back, they'll take it to mean they're dominant." (Let me rephrase the warning for those of you with comprehension problems.) Never turn your back on a wild turkey! A jogger in Massachusetts passed a farm, and 30 turkeys went running after her. She described it as being "like that scene in The Birds..." Finally a friend in a pickup truck rescued her, while "laughing so hard she almost choked on her Dunkin' Donut." (Apparently a lot of people in Massachusetts like Dunkin' Donuts.)

Cardoza suggested several ways to fight off the Ninja turkeys. Poke them with an umbrella, spray them with a garden hose, or bang on pots and pans and yell loudly. It might also help to have a dog on a leash nearby, though turkeys are brazen enough to even chase the dog! One Florida biologist, Lovett Williams, said that he had to use wrestling techniques on the raging birds, grabbing them around the neck, and penning them to the ground, to avoid being scratched by the sharp spurs of the feisty creatures. He stated, "I'd slap them like they do on The Three Stooges.

Then they'd wobble around and run off." (Before I hear from the Humane Society, remember this was a biologist, who raised wild turkeys.) Another warning is called for here. Do not try this at home. Animal Control Officers in Brookline have instructed citizens not to feed the birds, not to be intimidated by them (easy for them to say), and to keep their distance. Bold and aggressive behavior exhibited by these wild turkeys can be almost impossible to change.

Other irritating behaviors of turkeys are pecking at car doors and windows (attacking their own reflections), and perching on the tops of cars, and house rooftops. In Pennsylvania, many people have to file insurance claims, due to the damage they cause. Unlike domesticated turkeys, wild turkeys can fly short distances of about a mile or less. Imagine lifting 25 pounds off the ground, and gliding at a speed of 55 to 60 mph. "It's a bird, it's a plane...it's Super Turkey!"

Back in Brookline, Animal Control Officer, Pierre Verrier, states, "Some people are getting very upset. One of the biggest things is, they're afraid. They don't want the turkeys to get hurt. And the other thing is, they're afraid of the turkeys around their children. They don't know what they'll do." Brookline police issued a statement telling the people what to do if they should run into a wild turkey in town. Their advice? Stay away from the turkeys! (I am trying my best not to laugh!)

Well, I will close with one last warning. Before you stab that moist, juicy turkey this Thanksgiving, make sure he's not a member of a gang. There could be hell to pay!

Sources: http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/10/23/turkeys_take_to_cities_towns/?page=1
http://www.mindfully.org/Heritage/2005/Wild-Turkeys-Attack23nov05.htm
http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dfw/dfw_turkey_learning_kit.htm#Q12
http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dfw/dfwturk.htm
http://www.weirdnewstoday.com/2005_11_01_stuff.htm