Will the Real Independent Women Please Stand Up!

Maybe everyone has a different definition of what independence is, but in my book, independence simply means relying on yourself. I was listening to the radio, and the deejay was reporting that Shaquille O'Neal and his wife were filing for separation. In her files, she included that she wants spousal support and full custody of the kids. Singer Kelis filed for divorce from rapper Nas, and was granted nearly fifty thousand dollars a month in child and spousal support. And after Mel Gibson and his wife filed for divorce, she was eligible for nearly five hundred million dollars. I know legally these women are entitled to half the estate, but I can't help but to ask, "Do real independent women exist?"

Independent women are usually thought of to be financially stable. They buy their own car, their own home, and they pay their own bills. They basically take care of themselves. They are thought to not need a man for pretty much anything. And the truth is, most women classify themselves as this kind of woman. But I question how many of us are truly independent. We are open about how men should take us out, foot the bill, and buy us things every now and then (or all the time). Now these are just modest examples. But my point is none of these things necessarily show the woman to be independent.

I must be honest, I classify myself as independent, but I do not think that the majority of American women are. We are raised to be dependent and to believe men are supposed to take care of us. We are not raised to take care of ourselves. We are taught to take care of children, and the men take care of us. This is why we have such a difficult time when we are single and dating. We are running around looking for a partner in life, and not taking the opportunity to enjoy ourselves or our freedom. We were taught how to be a partner and that we're supposed to have a partner. Needing a partner can either be dependence or interdependence, but it is not independence.

When I see these women who are going through these divorces, I get disappointed that they rather get a monthly alimony check than to get a job and make ends meet for themselves. I'm disappointed by that, but I'm not surprised. When a woman is taught to believe that she should have a certain kind of lifestyle, she is going to try to get or keep that lifestyle by any means necessary. These women get accustomed to being married. They get accustomed to the joint income, or the sole income of the man, and they build a lifestyle upon that income. Many of which are unhealthy lifestyles, that is why the number one reason for divorce in this country is financial problems. But these women get accustomed to that income, and refuse to live without it once the divorce is filed. They don't want to go back to taking care of themselves, or go back to the single life. They want to continue to live a marriage life even though they are no longer married.

I believe a truly independent woman will pull up her boot straps and get out there and work. But a woman who feels she's entitled to a certain lifestyle won't do that at all. She will allow that man to support her and not think twice about it. It's because she still feels that that is what a man is supposed to do-take care of the woman. Sometimes I wonder if these women feel like a child. In many cases, the man takes care of the woman the way a parent takes care of a child. I'm just curious if these women ever feel like children when they are dependent upon another person.

Of course I'm going to blame some of this on society. It's hard for women to be very successful in this country. Well, it's not hard for us to be successful, but it's hard for us to be equally successful to men. (We make seventy cents to their dollar.) I feel that women are discouraged by the amount of money and power that is associated with men, and it leaves us thinking that we will never be fully stable unless we have a man's help. We think they have all the power, all the money, all the stability.

It's important for women to be independent, not just for their own good, but for the good of their children. Both little boys and girls need to see a woman be more than a housewife or a stay at home mom. They need to see that women can have it all, too. We can take care of ourselves and our families. We don't have to be chasing babies all day to prove our womanhood. There is more to womanhood than getting married and having babies. Some women who do have these things will tell you that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Even after getting married and giving birth, these women still feel like something is missing from their lives, and that is a sense of purpose. We think that being married and having children will give them a sense of purpose, but it only does for a little while. Then we find ourselves wanting something more, like.... uuuuhhh.....a job....?