Will Tiger Woods Get the Clap at the US Masters in April 2010?

Yes, it was very unfortunate phrasing. Multiple-cheat Tiger Woods should have known better than to mention the word "clap" in his first TV interview since his busy extra-marital sex life was exposed.

He couldn't have really asked for 'applause' after all he's done in recent times. But he could perhaps have said he hoped he wouldn't be hissed and boo-ed. Or else he could have just shut up about how he'll be received on the day. But no. "It would be nice" he said "to hear a couple claps" during his post-philandering comeback at the US Masters on April 8th. Just that word was enough.

Newspapers and blogs around the world chortled as one. Headlines and comments tumbled into cyberspace. You know the kind of thing:

"Tiger Woods wants the clap." "Tiger hopes he'll get the clap." "Clap for me, says hapless Tiger."

It did rather focus the reading public on the question of whether any his pneumatic lovers gave him the clap and whether in turn he passed it on to innocent wife Elin? She will undoubtedly have had a checkup for sexually-transmitted diseases and demanded he did too. If he didn't catch any one, or several, of the wide range of STDs available to men hopping repeatedly on and off a dozen non-exclusive sexual partners, then statisticians and researchers working in the much-researched field of venereology might have a go at explaining why? Was he exceptionally lucky? Are STDs less common than researchers have concluded from their studies?

But we'll probably never know whether Tiger got the clap or not. Unless of course Elin Woods eventually divorces him and writes a memoir.

In the meantime we can speculate on whether he'll get the kind of clap he wants when he emerges onto the golf course for the US Masters in April. Golf fans probably will clap good play. And it's not unlikely that sponsors will send numerous "clappers" along to boost Woods' public image. He's earnt billions of dollars for them as well as billions for himself.

Two comments on forums were echoed everywhere though:

"He should get a slow hand clap" and "Clap? He deserves a clap round the ear."