Win Those Power Struggles Without Tears

The terrible two's. Well, for my oldest it was three's, but either way, when children first start to exert their autonomy, parents can be in for a rough road!

Around age two or three, most children start trying to be more independent, trying to control their environment more, and that often begins a battle with mom and dad through the teen years!

However, Parents can turn these challenging times into a period of learning and growth with just a few simple steps!

Empower, don't Overpower

Instead of viewing a headstrong child as "bad" or "disagreeable", view it as a positive sign of their growth. this certainly does not mean to let them run amuck and get away with everything, but let them make decisions on their own - what clothes to wear, help choosing what's for dinner, deciding what game they want to play or music they want to listen to.

When you overpower your children, they feel powerless and that they have no control. This oftentimes leads them to be more aggressive and temperamental or the opposite can occur and they become withdrawn and wont make any decision on their own.

Side Step Confrontations

Don't give in to their invitations for fights. When you ask your two year old if he is ready for a nap, and he replied "NO", don't give in to the temptation to become over bearing. A better idea is to ask, Would you like to walk or do you want me to carry you? When i did this, my child responded he wanted me to carry him upside down and tickle him. ok then! much easier and more fun than screaming for him to go to bed!

Let them know that you are not going to fight, or negotiate, but that they will end up doing what you want.

Give Choices, Not Orders

My 15 month old will fight me insanely when I try to change his diaper. but if i hand him the diaper and let him lead me to where he wants me to change it, there's no problem at all! Its much easier to follow him and let him decide where it will happen than trying to wrestle him and get him to be still!

When you give choices, make sure all choices are acceptable. You cant say to them they have the choice of sitting quietly in a store or leaving the store, unless leaving the store is an acceptable alternative to you.

Also make sure the choices you give are not so narrow that the child feels no freedom at all.

Find Useful Ways for your Child to be Powerful

I used to battle my daughter every day about feeding our pets. Finally one day, i had the idea to make her the "queen" of all the animals. And as "Queen" she must care for her subjects. Now every morning, she calls all of her "subjects and presents them with their food in a royal fashion!

she's happy, and so am I!

As parents, it is our goal to raise children who become self reliant adults who make good decisions and have high self esteem. Your child will have a good head start to this if you will let them practice making decisions and having a little bit of power (in useful and appropriate ways) in their childhood!