Winkers Jeans: The Tacky Jeans that Wink at You

Just in time for the Christmas shopping season, there's a devastatingly tacky new piece of apparel on the market: Winkers Jeans. As first reported by Metro (and you gotta check out the pictures to believe this), the Winker Jeans have strategically placed, painted eyes on the backside that makes it look like every step is a wink. Be afraid, be very afraid.

You can make your own pair of Winkers (patent pending) on the official website, including a YouTube video of them in action. You would think that they supply the "winked" jeans, but you will have to send the pants to them and they will customize them with one of the following options: the eye ($149), the ducks ($159), the clap boards ($249), the owls ($269), or the showstopping lion in the jungle ($569). Oh, and prices do not include postage.

There are some limitations: "Jeans work the best for Winkers. Baggy jeans do not wink very well. Other types of pants work well also. But if the leg is to loose and hangs from the widest part of the buttocks the pants will not wink. Some dresses and lingerie will also wink. I do not have a satisfactory way to decorate lingerie though. Perhaps later."

You might laugh and ask why any sane person who buy a $569 pair of painted pants, but people scoffed at the Snuggie, and it turned into a huge success, even creating knockoffs like the summer necessity, The Wearable Towel, the Snuggie-inversive Slanket and the too-creepy-for-words Peekaru.

The evolution of these questionable fashion choices is rather bewildering in such a fragile national economy. Certainly, the Snuggie at least has some logical function, especially as the weather becomes colder and you want to do your grocery shopping while wearing a blanket, or humiliate your children when you pick them up from school.

The one-of-a-kind Winker pants are no different than Juicy Couture pants, with choice phrases written across the butt.. They draw attention to your backside, cost a lot of money, and are hideous. You can get the same desired effect by sitting in a puddle of mud, or worse.

Perhaps this is what Winkers wants. You can't sell product nowadays unless you have a lot of publicity, no matter how gaudy the product is. Ask a pet rock or mood ring or Chia Pet about camp appeal. Personally, I'm holding out for Winkers jogging shorts. That way, when I'm out running, my butt can look like it has a blinking disorder.

Metro, "Winkers: the jeans that wink at you"