Winning like Charlie Sheen: The 10 Step Program

Charlie Sheen is winning! So how can you become just as special as the triumphant star? Here are ten steps to winning based on clues from Charlie Sheen's interviews:

1. Replace your own blood with tiger blood - Charlie Sheen has talked about tiger blood coursing through his veins with lines like, "Tiger blood will drip from my veins in my quest," so you've either got to undergo an illegal tiger blood transfusion or figure out which drug tiger blood is a euphemism for.

2. Splice your DNA with that of Adonis - Charlie Sheen also says that he has Adonis DNA. Again, this could be a euphemism. However, if it's not, good luck on your quest to procure a DNA sample from the Grecian god.

3. Practice alchemy - Charlie Sheen has stated that he can turn cans into gold, so you better brush up on your alchemy if you want to start winning.

4. Drink lots of chocolate milk - Based on Charlie Sheen's drink of choice, it looks like there's something to those "Got Milk?" ads (although if he was spotted sporting a white moustache, I doubt many would assume the substance under his nose was milk).

5. Become a warlock - Charlie Sheen has also called himself a warlock, so hopefully you've already graduated from Hogwarts.

6. Get addicted, then heal your addiction with your mind - Hopefully you learned the rehabilitus addiction curing spell at Hogwarts.

7. Go to Mars and become a rock star - Say hi to the bad ass biker mice while you're there.

8. Date two goddesses at once - If you find Adonis, perhaps he'll hook you up with some promiscuous babes from Mount Olympus.

9. Replace your mind with a new one that's 10,000 years old and your boogers with those of a seven-year-old - Charlie Sheen must know a mad scientist with the ability to time travel, so the brain part will be hard. But a seven-year-old would probably be happy to let you borrow some nose gold.

10. Snort some of Charlie Sheen's dandruff - Now you are ready to get high on the drug that is Charlie Sheen. But be forewarned; if you haven't completed these other steps, you won't end up winning; instead, "Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

So good luck with your quest (Charlie Sheen must really be into some wild RPGs).