Wise Rules for Parenting Teenagers

Teenagers are always pushing the limits, stretching their wings and seeing how much they can get away with. Wise parents set rules, limits, and boundaries and enforce these on a daily basis.

Discipline is Built on Relationship

Successful teen discipline needs to come out of a relationship that has developed since birth. Parents have a unique place in their children's lives and this is not as a friend. Although friendship is part of parenting, mothers and fathers need to be a figure of authority who sets rules and hands out punishments when these are not obeyed.

Discipline Involves Consequences

Some parents spend their lives moaning at their teens about the state of their bedroom, the piles of dirty washing and undone chores. It is far better to take action by laying out expectations and setting penalties if these are not met. Teens respond best to punishments that take away a privilege or add an unwelcome task.

Rule Structures should not be too Tight or too Loose

As teenagers mature, their rule structure will by necessity need adjustments. The secret is to allow the right amount of freedom while exercising the right amount of control. Teens need to learn to make decisions and take responsibility for their actions. Making mistakes and facing consequences are part of the process.

Parents must Cut Back on Nagging

Many parents nag without realizing that they are doing it. Before speaking, consider if the words are necessary, kind and genuine. Common conflict areas include these:

• Music

• The state of a teen's bedroom

• Fashion taste

• Friends

In some cases, it is better to ease up on the teen. Listen to their music in the car for a change or shut the bedroom door.

Parents should be Reliable and Trustworthy

Teenagers need stability in a life that is awash with hormones, peer pressure and the need to fit in. Parents should endeavour to be that stable influence. Mothers and fathers who are unchanging, always loving, and who stand by their rules can be a rock in turbulent times. They should not allow their reactions and decisions to be affected by teenage rebellion or attitude but should seek to be fair, considerate and always willing to listen.

Teenagers may fight against discipline and boundaries but they will feel more secure because of them. The key to success is being consistent, approachable and caring, while still enforcing rules and the consequences of breaking them.

Reference:

Before your Teenagers Drive you Crazy, Read This , Nigel Latta, HarperCollins Publishers, 2008