Woman Assaulted by Automated Restroom

The bathroom in question, has become a location of interest for the assault of a self proclaimed short woman. The incident occurred during the busiest shopping day of the year as the woman who prefers to remain anonymous entered the bathroom to relieve herself. Upon entering the restroom and surveying the row of stalls, the woman looked for a clean and well papered booth to alleviate the pee pee dance she was forced into performing. Just a tip for the Black Friday novice shoppers, stay clear of the coffee, the results impede bargain finding and the fighting of little old ladies.

As she entered the stall, always aware of her surroundings and ensuring she was not being propositioned by Senator Larry Craig, she observed several signs instructing her on the proper usage of this specific restroom. The first being a sign stating, "wave hand in front of sensor to replace liner. As she waved her hand frantically in front of the red eye, the plastic liner on the toilet seat began to snake into a concealed cave, trailing its plastic body behind to refresh the covering on the toilet seat. It wasn't until she observed this ritual that she thought about the hundreds of rear ends that graced this particular seat that she was about to engage. Grateful for the safety barrier where no others butts have gone before, she seated herself and prepared for a sigh of relief that was short lived.

The assault occurred as she leaned forward to retrieve the toilet paper for her safe and secure bottom. It was at that moment the toilet flushed spraying her derriere with frigid cold water. The spray and noise was such a shock that she stood up and the toilet once again flushed in an attempt to intimidate her. Not one to be told what to do by an inanimate object, she once again tried to properly cleanse herself with the t.p. now held in her hand. Instead of actually sitting, she hovered which would have been her previous mode of public toilet usage. Upon getting into position, the toilet flushed yet again. Having wiped and dropped the paper, she stood readjusted her clothing and waited for the Great Flushing One to do it's job and flush the paper. And she waited... Moving back and forth in the stall, thinking her movement would be enough to entice the toilet to flush again, she waited. Nothing. As she reached to push the manual flushing button on the wall, the toilet again attacked.... GAWOOSH.

Thankful that the ordeal was over, she exited the stall only to find she was affronted with an automatic sink with another sign. "Please wave hands in front of faucet to turn water on." Again, a frantic waving of hands which was meant to start the flow resulted in nothing. Raise your hands in front of the eye, lower your hands... raise them, lower them... It wasn't until she stepped back to seek help from another patron that the faucet turned on and teased her with a short burst of water. The woman quickly doused her hands and reached for the automated soap which not only blessed her with one plop of soap, but three and one for the already over-soaped counter under the dispenser. By the time she turned to rinse, the water had shut off. Waving frantically once again, begging and pleading, the woman's spirit finally broke. She was defeated; the supposedly helpful automated Ladies room had become a torture device on this already stressful day. The faucet sensing the smell of victory blew a blast of celebratory water which she quickly rinsed and prayed for the automated paper towel dispenser to be more kind. The dispenser also in jubilatory style spewed towel after towel at the once confident woman. Assaulted and accosted by the bathroom, she left. If you have been assaulted by this restroom, please inform the proper authorities as they need more information to build their case.