Woman for a Day: A Gender Experiment of a Red-Blooded American Male

As a man in today's society, I am presented with certain expectations. Technically, I am a deep voiced, tall, and athletic human being. Socially, however, I should be a beer drinking, sports crazed, hormone driven, pizza eating, woman loving, playboy. High expectations? Certainly. Unrealistic expectations? Perhaps. Individually, I'd like to think of myself of all of those except hormone crazed, and I do drink, but not excessively. When asked what they want in a man, most women respond that they want everything - security, looks, personality, etc. But, have you ever heard women complain one moment for men simply being "men" and another moment loving the gender traits of men? Well, this has happened to me one too many times. I started thinking what it would be like to see the world through the eyes of a woman. So, I decided to spend one twenty - four hour delving into the inner workings of the female psyche. Is it possible to understand how to be a man and simply not upset women in the process? Well, I was going to find out. For this experiment, I didn't dress up as a woman or anything. I woke up one morning and stood in front of the mirror, and literally imagined my life through the eyes of a female. The results I came up with surprised even me.

Some people say, men may never truly understand how women feel short of actually being a woman and walking through their shoes. Perhaps, they are right, but I'd like to suggest I understand what they go through. How so? Let's start with the beginning of the day. I woke up like any other morning. I walked to the mirror, and instead of doing the typical "guy" thing and staring at myself and scratching, I thought about how badly I needed to alter my appearance. Step one in understanding a female is to make one's self vulnerable and realize that no amount of product to slick my hair back or expensive clothing to look good was going to make me look better unless of course, I spend hours in front of it trying to get the right hair angles or drop everything and go to the mall to buy clothes that just were not in my closet. Needless to say, I tried. After a shower, I shaved, gelled my hair, and adorned my body with the finest fragrances (male, of course). Normally, I would be fine with however I looked, but I knew I had to try to make it look perfect.

Next, I walked to my closet and tore it apart looking for the perfect outfit. After spending about thirty minutes, I finally decided on a Calvin Klein dress shirt and tie with Ralph Lauren pants, and an overcoat. Looking back, I thought I looked really sharp in it. But, I told myself, I would have to look perfect and that somehow, this just did not cut it. I did not understand why women spend so much time on this until I left the house (more on this later). After this, I went downstairs and looked for something to eat. Step two in understanding a woman is to realize that calories mean more than any other grouping of numbers short of one's salary. Probably, the most important thing to understand is that unless a food has zero calories, sugar, carbohydrates, or fat, or ridiculously close to it, one just cannot eat it. So, after a long staring match between myself and the pantry which lasted close to half an hour, I decided it would be better off to get something nutritious on the way to work. So, I left the house with no breakfast, just a water bottle.

By the time I arrived at the office, the growling of my stomach could be heard over the loudest whir of a passing helicopter. I've been hungry in my life, but never had I known what it was like to be intentionally hungry trying to watch calories. The work day was a blur. I sat in front of my computer and imagined the money that I would get and how I would spend it. A new wardrobe would bring me a whole new look but more importantly new attention from those that happened to see me dressed lavishly. About every hour or so, I would get up and take a stroll to the bathroom but try to walk up the stairs to get my heart rate going. Being in good shape is just as important as the clothes you are wearing. As the day progressed, I became increasingly frustrated. Except for a handful of people, no one commented on my attire or seemed to appreciate the time I spent getting ready. As I listened to the constant talk about meetings and crunching numbers, the clock seemed to tick away faster and before I knew it, the day was over.

When I got home, it was time for dinner. By now, I was famished. All I had the entire day was a salad for lunch, and I was beginning to feel exhausted and light headed. I figured that I would maintain the eating habit of today and stick with something light. It was after all, just a day, and I could tolerate this hunger. So, I ate a Weight Watcher's dinner. It was not very good, and I was still hungry. But, at least I understood what It was like to watch the calories I ate.

I followed this up with watching a little bit of television, specifically that of Lifetime Television, which they claim is "Television for Women". What I witnessed were female characters who experienced relationship issues with men, vulnerability, despair, and in some cases, triumph, when they were able to break free from the men in their life. Trying to think as a woman, I saw these stories as a means of comfort suggesting to me that all women at one point or another go through these at some point and seeing them played out can help them take comfort in knowing others are going through the same thing. After a few hours of watching television, I went to my bed and closed my eyes and finished another day.

So, did I have to dress up as a woman to understand them? In a short answer, no, I did not. There are many things I learned from this experiment. First, women are very vulnerable. For the man in their life or even others they come into contact with on a daily basis, it almost creates a paradox. On the one hand, whether through recognition of the clothing they are wearing, the sense of self they have through their physical appearance or even figure type, women want to be appreciated and acknowledged, but ultimately, they have to feel good about themselves. They can hear compliments from another person can help, but it is an ongoing process that occurs within them. Second, there is a comfort and almost competition that women experience every day. Another paradox is created here which is women take comfort in other women experiencing these conflicts of vulnerability, despair, and relationships issues, especially when they see another woman triumph from them, but to a certain extent are threatened by it. For example, weight loss commercials are prevalent in today's television media. Their goal is to convince female viewers that their bodies should look a certain way, and the only way to achieve that look is to take their particular product. They show thin, and often, sickly models who starve themselves to "prove" that their product works using before and after photos. These female viewers who buy into the idea that their bodies have to look like this are thus comforted in knowing that someone else was able to triumph, but now they see these others who have gone through this as "unattainable beauty", or a goal of beauty so difficult to achieve that they give up before they can get there. Thus, there is a vulnerability and self conscious battle with one's body that many women face daily, even if they are perfectly healthy. To go against these preconceived notions of beauty would be diminishing the importance of these weight loss products. Third, I learned that probably the biggest reason why women get easily frustrated with men is because, they see men as just one of the things they have to deal with in their lives, and men are problem solvers by nature, who ultimately see things as this way or that way, and that they can fix them. Women are not necessarily threatened by this but more so, annoyed by it. Communication is the biggest thing that I discovered women want from a man but probably more importantly, the desire to be understood or at least, an attempt to be understood. As a man, these things surprised me, but as I began to think about, women and men are very different in our thought processes but yet very similar. As men, we do not experience the same vulnerability as many women do, but the desire to be understood and the desire for someone to acknowledge us and our accomplishments is universal.

Whether you are a man or a woman, we all at one point or another should try to think like the opposite sex. Perhaps, you understand my findings. But, perhaps, you do not. Once we are able to understand how the opposite sex thinks, I believe we can only then experience lasting and fulfilling relationships. Communication and understanding are the two key aspects of effective relationships that I have concluded. As a final thought, we do not need special glasses to see the world through someone else's eyes. We all have them and that is the willingness to put someone else above us, but the only question is will you do so? It could bring you more fulfilling relationships and a better understanding of the opposite sex than you could have ever imagined.