Woman: A Growing Desire for Happiness

A recent study, to be published in the next issue of the Journal of Happiness, reports that while women start out adult life happier than men, by midlife they are less happy.

Why are women never satisfied?

Well, it's a good thing we're not, because that's the motivating force behind all development! Anything we feel as movement, whether it's moving to some other part of the world or the most subtle shift of inner attitude, happens only because we have become so uncomfortable and unable to fulfill our desires in our current state that we are willing to make an effort to reach a new state. This force compels us to grow and evolve.

While the recent happiness study is limited, (it measures only two factors that might affect happiness-finances and family), it is important because it reveals that men and women form aspirations differently. In other words, our desires are different.

If we look for a pattern, we see that men are often satisfied with toys and games, especially big ticket consumer goods such as a home, car, travel and sports. Women want some of these things as well, but they also long for something more. As we age, women begin to realize that these things do not lead to fulfillment. Especially, we realize that in spite of how much money we make, how good our marriage is, or whether we advance in our career, we are still not completely happy.

The Kabbalists tell us the reason for this is because a woman feels reality, the world, nature, and the ground underneath her feet differently than a man. There is a certain part in her that men do not have, because according to her nature, she is the one who gives birth and continues life. This is obvious in the physical world, but Kabbalah tells us that it is equally true in the spiritual world. Consequently, women naturally feel a desire for spirituality, to understand the purpose of our existence. This is a very big difference.

We all feel desires and we feel them change over time, but we don't really pay attention to how this happens. In fact, our desires evolve in a very predictable manner. Our first category of desire is just survival-type: sex, food, and shelter. Once we have this satisfied, we begin to want more and a second category of desires appears: desires that only become apparent in comparison with other people. These desires include wealth, respect and power. Many people remain satisfied with these, but some people keep on searching. For these people, a new type of desire emerges - the desire for knowledge and art. What separates these desires from the social desires is that they can exist even without other people in the picture.

Knowledge and art form the boundary, in a sense, of what we define as the physical world. It is the pinnacle of what we believe humanity can achieve. Yet women especially become dissatisfied with knowledge. According to their very nature, they discover that there are no answers here for the real cause of things. There's no answer to purpose; the answers are about "How," not "Why."

Precisely because women become dissatisfied with mechanical answers, something very different and very special happens - a new desire arises, but this desire is not a desire from our material world. This is a desire placed within our heart, which is the sum of all desires that we have - both for this world and for what's beyond it. What appears is a "point in the heart" - that's what the Kabbalists call it.

This point is just a tiny spark of spirituality. Once it is awakened, it grows continually, until it fills our entire experience, our entire existence, and can bring us into the Spiritual World. This desire is the true reason for our existence. It is the only thing that can bring lasting satisfaction and happiness.

A woman feels this desire for spirituality naturally because woman constitutes the very soil from which nature continues to develop. Woman is the origin of all that exists: she brings forth and cultivates absolutely everything. She rouses a passion for revelation and attainment of the Spiritual World. A man has no greater desire for spirituality than that which he receives from a woman. This is the system, the evolution of desires, and only if women will grow and clarify their desire for spirituality will men and women be able to reach a state of true happiness together.