Woman Tactic #2: The Silent Treatment

On to #2: The Silent Treatment.

You have experienced the silent treatment if you have ever had the chance to irritate a woman. My guess is if you know even one woman on a personal level, you've experienced the silent treatment multiple times. Her silence may be disheartening but fear not, she can only hold it in so long. You should actually take this chance to give yourself some peace and quiet, while you attempt to teach your woman that temper tantrums of any kind are not acceptable after age 6.

Birth of the Silent Treatment

The silent treatment developed in women during their formative temper tantrum years. Screaming, of course, was the first line of defense from ages 2 to 7. After that, she began to wield special powers she was only slightly aware of. Suddenly she noticed that silence actually bred a more positive response from her parents than the screaming. Additionally, she noticed that sad silence coming from her mother prompted her father to be loving, attentive and begging for forgiveness.

Though she has not yet perfected the silent treatment, as seen by her inclusion of stomping, slamming doors and sulking, she is well on her way to moving freely from room to room as if you do not exist and repeating, in a stern voice over and over, "I'm fine." or "Nothing." which would be accompanied by a sullen face or superficial smile. Why? Because you should be so aware of her needs that, if you don't know why she is unhappy, you best be getting right on top of that. Woman rule #1: If you don't know, she shouldn't have to tell you. It's time to sign up for Mind Reading 101.

Silent Treatment: The Theory

When scientists come up with a hypothesis, they test it over and over in order to attain a working theory. Thus, everyone from her birth until now has been a guinea pig and they have proven her theory; the silent treatment works.

The silent treatment works because of two proven theories. One, she knows if she is quiet long enough, someone will eventually ask her what is wrong thereby unleashing the "mountains" that were created out of "mole hills" only hours before, and two, she knows you care about her happiness if for no other reason that when she is miserable, everyone is.

Let's use the classic textbook example of "Sally". Sally is married to Bill. After repeated requests for Bill to take out the trash, Sally notices Bill has left to golf and the trash is still in the can. She could, a.) take the trash out herself and make him feel guilty when he gets home, b.) text him right away telling him how much she appreciates all the help he gives her around the house (a sure-fire manipulative guilt trip), or c.) Leave the trash for him to take out when he gets home and prepare for the silent treatment.

Let's assume that, for our purposes here, Sally chooses "C". Bill returns home, sees that he left the trash and places it in the appropriate receptacle outside. When asking Sally how her afternoon went, he receives that one, all-encompassing word, "FINE". Uh-oh Bill! Step back! Warning! Warning!

Disproving the Silent Treatment Theory

Before Bill says another word, he must recognize the situation and respond accordingly. He doesn't want to make her think the silent treatment works, does he? Bill's response should simply be, "Great. Mine was too", which should be followed by a gentle kiss on the cheek quickly before she notices and pulls away, which would have to beg the question, "What's wrong honey?" Avoid this question at all costs. It only proves her theory is correct.

Now, Bill can do one of three things:

1. Sit back and laugh while he watches his wife parade around in a silent temper tantrum, hoping he will come back and ask her what is wrong so that she can, not only tell him it irritated her that he didn't take out the trash, but now she can also add, "You're so self-absorbed. You didn't even notice that something was not right when you came home".

2. Bill can confront Sally. "You're giving me the silent treatment. Why don't you just go ahead and tell me what is wrong?" Warning: This may infuriate her and you may also receive "Fine." as her answer again. If you do receive the answer "Fine" and are semi-aware of what caused this treatment in the first place, just bring it up yourself.

"Sally, Sorry about not taking out the trash earlier. I completely forgot before I left for golf."

Be aware though, if you use the "I forgot" excuse a lot, she will absolutely not believe you and now you have just tacked onto that "mountain" how disrespectful and dishonest you are. In that case, you're toast and this article is not going to work for you. You will need something much stronger than "I'm sorry". I would suggest 12 dozen roses and a new car as a sweet gesture for not taking out the trash. Note: If that is what is required for your woman to be happy, I would like to congratulate you on choosing to live your life on the edge.

3. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. As soon as you notice she has sentenced you to silence for the next day or two, give it right back. After you snuck the "Hello" and kiss on the cheek, quietly take the trash out and then take your cues from her. If she is silent, you are silent. Suddenly she will be wondering why you have any right to be angry and that will open the lines of communication. Granted, it will open them with a "Why are you ignoring me? Are you mad?" accompanied with the well-known tone that sounds like she's saying one thing but meaning another. I.e. "Why are you ignoring me? Are you mad?" actually means, "What could you possibly have to be mad about you self-absorbed jerk?"

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to disprove the "silent treatment" theory. This means you never beg to know what is wrong and go about business as usual. She will not be able to hold out forever and eventually the doors of communication will have to be opened. Most likely they will be opened with a bang, but eventually she might see that the silent treatment does not work and will move on to another tactic. Hopefully one that is less irritating.

What She is Thinking

Do you know what she is thinking while she awaits your return? Do you know what is going through her head while you're asking her if she's alright? I would tell you, but you really don't want to know.

All you need to know is, for every minute that passes without you begging to know what is wrong and for forgiveness of your trespasses, your punishment or lecture is growing exponentially. So now, not only are you forgetful, disrespectful, dishonest and completely unfeeling towards her needs; you are now most probably cheating with another woman and embezzling money from your shared account into a secret account.

On top of which, for every hour that goes by that she was unable to unleash her fury on you, she will now, slowly, tack on every other past infraction she can muster out of her memory in order to prove to herself just what scum she has married. Because not only did you not take out the trash today, but rarely do you take the trash out immediately when she asks you to, you don't read books to the kids every night, you never give her a chance to do anything she wants to do, and most brutal of all, she will remember every intimate moment where you were able to "finish up" and she wasn't. You selfish, jerk.

Furthermore, the silent treatment has been used as a tactic to help her think about the situation more. The best tactical defense to the silent treatment is to end the silence. The sooner everything gets out, the less importance and clout it gains. If you can get rid of the silent treatment, you can keep those mountains as they should be; mole hills.