Wombat Rape of Man in New Zealand

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know. I didn't hurt my bum at all."

Thus spoke 48-year-old Arthur Cradock of New Zealand's South Island town of Motueka, to police on the telephone. He had called the officers of the law on February 11th to come help him with a rape case.

The case was him. The rapist was a wombat. Cradock swore that if he came back later on he would "smash the filth", meaning he would kill the wombat. Cradock insisted to the telephone operator that he had an authentic emergency. He also called back a few days later with the same complaint.

Although Cradock later retracted his pressing of charges against the marsupial, he said that the incident left him traumatized enough that instead of speaking in his native New Zealand accent he now had the accent of an Aussie.

The Australian mainland Common wombat (Vombatus ursinus hirsutus) is one of the three subspecies of common wombats. Apparently this was the subspecies of wombat that Cradock believed to be raping him. Wombats are, in fact, native only to Australia.

The wombat rape incident was not nearly as strange as many people at first might believe it to be.

It was a false alarm. Cradock, who works for an orchard-produce company, has since been sentenced to 75 hours' community service for the misdemeanor crime of "using a telephone for a fictitious purpose". (It seems to this journalist that if the United States had such a law, telemarketers would all be out of business...However, it might get a lot of teenage girls community service time.)

Cradock's claims were blamed by the Sheriff at first of being alcohol-inspired. However, Cradock's attorney successfully convinced the court that alcohol played no part in the fantasized wombat rape.

Wombats are nocturnal marsupials that feed mostly on tubers, grass, shoots, and roots. They are very strong and dig large burrows up to 100 feet long in which to live. The average size adult wombat weighs 55 pounds. Some say that the common wombat can out-dig a strong shovel-wielding man, and they can dig a burrow in any ground short of solid rock.

While wombats are not tree-climbers like their close Australian cousin the koala, they are said to be very good swimmers.

Due to the marsupials' solitudinous ways, most Australians have never caught sight of a living wombat in the wild.