Women and Porn

Well, there is a list of answers that most women give. They feel as if it is degrading to women, they feel as if you don't truly love them if have to look at other women, it is unrealistic and cheesy, and it encourages the objectification of women all over the world. And the list of reasons used to cover the real reasons goes on and on. There are basically three reasons most women object to porn: insecurity, jealousy, and religious beliefs.

Let me address the first two reasons as they go hand in hand: insecurity and jealousy. Most women are very insecure about themselves and lack in proper self-esteem. They do not feel as if they are the best choice out there, and as a result, feel intimidated by and jealous of other women. We know that men are going to look at other women. We are not so stupid as to think that you won't. However, if I don't think I am beautiful, I am going to think that you would prefer that younger, more fit women in that film to me. I am going to think that if you had the opportunity you would dump me in a heart beat for a night with her. This may be ridiculous, but it is true. As a result, I am going to feel jealous of that woman. Mainly because I wish that I had that same sense of security in myself. The sense of self assurance that if I so chose, I could flaunt my physical prowess as well.

Some women are also just insecure with their sexuality. They feel silly trying new things, or even experimenting. When we see women in porn in various positions, we see them as ridiculous. Ridiculous because we would feel silly trying those things ourselves. We see them "faking" pleasure and being way too vocal. A lot of women feel very insecure being vocal during sex. Unfortunately, some insecurities result in women viewing sex as dirty, not healthy, and when they see porn it verifies this belief for them.

Some women do not like porn simply for their religious and/or moral beliefs. They believe it is a sin to watch strangers perform such a personal act. I also recall in my pre-marital classes our pastor telling us that is essentially cheating by watching porn. Cheating, in his view, does not just have to be a physical act, it can be a mental act as well. If this is the type of woman you are trying to date and you are a guy who likes porn, either give it or her up because the two probably won't ever mesh.

Some women could care less if you watch porn, but still don't like it themselves. The music is cheesy, there are no story lines, the guys are ugly, they portray sexy as being solely physical and not mental, etc., etc. So be it. I know personally I don't want to watch it with my husband, but I don't care if he watches it. Hey, if it helps turn him on, then I am really the one getting the better end of the deal!

Guys remember that we are emotional creatures in nature. Therefore, sex is an emotional act to us. We like to make love, not screw. Most women do not realize that sex is not an emotional act for men. When we see you watching porn, we think there is some type of emotion involved in it. Explain to your significant other that to you, sex is just sex, not an expression of love. You may have to tell her this time and time again, but some day it will get through to her. It did for me!

Some women are going to stick to the objectification and degradation argument no matter what you tell them. Some women actually believe that the women in porn get paid lower wages than men. They do not realize that the women, especially those that are not under a studio contract, are paid handsomely. The men at times are not even paid! Sex is their payment. They also believe that porn encourages violence toward women here and in other countries. Porn, in my opinion, encourages sex. Maybe even masturbation and experimentation. Violence with sexual connotations are encouraged by that person's mental health. That person is going to act violently whether or not porn exists.

As far as the violence in other countries, I think that is just simply rubbish. Sex is not viewed the same way in other countries as it is in the United States. Visit Europe once to confirm that and see how the native people don't even bat an eyelash at a man or woman walking nude along the beach.

Now, guys, for what you can do about this. If your significant other is simply lacking in self-esteem, you may just need to lay off of the porn for a while and do some ass kissing. But, sad to say, she is the only one that can make her feel good about herself. So, really, she may just need to talk to a professional about her own feelings of self-degradation.

If your significant other is insecure with her sexuality, ease her into it. During foreplay, start talking dirty to her. Tell her to tell you what she wants, and when she does tell her how sexy it is. When she lets out a little moan, tell her that it turns you on immediately. She'll get the point that she doesn't sound silly after a while.

Most importantly, though, don't lie to us about watching porn. If you watch it, tell us. If we find out down the road that you do indeed like porn, but you initially told us you thought it was appalling, we are going to feel as if you don't love us enough to trust us with the truth. We may not like it at first, and you may just be trying to avoid an argument, but trust me when I say that the argument will be much greater down the road than it will be in the beginning.

If you have a girlfriend or wife that doesn't mind you watching porn, but doesn't care for it herself, maybe suggesting some erotica would help get her to watch it with you. Sure you are going to have to sit through some boring story to get to the good part, but I am positive that the vast majority of you men out there would make that sacrifice in order to get your sexy little beast to take part in your enjoyment!

Have a question you want answered? Send me a message and I'll be glad to help!