Women: Remember to Live for Yourself

As women know, our struggle to prove to everyone that we can do everything a man can do has left us essentially doing...EVERYTHING. We've proven that we can hold down challenging full-time jobs, be astronauts, boxers, even senators. And many of us do it just as well as the men.

The problem is that we still do everything else, too. We still cook. We still provide the primary care to our children; we feed them, clean them, read to them, and worry about their every move. This is not to say that men have let us down. Maybe some have, depending on your situation, but there are a lot of men who at least offer to help.

So why do we feel like we have to do it all, all the time? Why can't we ask for help and allow ourselves some much-needed, much-deserved "us" time?

There are many answers to this question, based on each individual's past experiences, current relationships, income, debt, support, etc. None is the right or wrong answer; each just leads to the ultimate conclusion: If we don't slow down, we're going to melt down. Potential reasons for our need to prove ourselves are considered below.

Some women grow up with the negativity surrounding the sheer fact that they are female. Whether this negativity came from parents saying "there are certain things you can't do or shouldn't do as a lady" or it came from their socialization in school, it's not a good feeling, and I imagine it lasts inside a person whether she realizes it or not. (This is not going to be a "blame-your-parents-for-everything" article, so keep reading.) If that mindset is engrained in a female early on, she may end up spending the next 40 years of her life proving everyone wrong.

Others, like me, grew up with all the support and encouragement in the world. "You can do anything, be anything," and I essentially became, everything. In my mid-20s, I've already completed grad school and make almost as much money as my husband having only worked 1/3 of the time he has. I'm on my way to promotions, more money, and certainly, more responsibilities. I still cook, clean the bathroom, vacuum, clean the yard, do the laundry, and go grocery shopping. And I haven't even approached having kids yet.

Whatever the circumstances, in our efforts to prove that we can take on anything, we've ended up taking on everything. And here's the interesting point I'm going to make. There's one essential thing that men are way better at than women, and that's allowing themselves to say "no." Sometimes, we women feel like this is a selfish way of doing things. After all, if they haven't yet completed their "honey-do" lists, how could they even think about leaving?

Instead of getting mad, we should be taking lessons. Maybe there are some men who truly are selfish all the time, but there are others who have just learned that there's an essential art to balancing everything you have to do with everything you want to do (which may even be doing nothing at all).

All men seem to have a hobby...or several. They understand the value of taking time out for themselves to enjoy those hobbies. Again, my point is, we HAVE to take some time out just for us. Someone else can take the trash out, and if they don't, it'll still be there tomorrow, so you can always take it out then (after you've had time to write that first chapter of your novel).

And you don't have to have a hobby. You don't have to pick one thing you feel like doing every time you get a moment to yourself. If you do have a hobby, it doesn't have to be some overly feminine thing that everyone would accept or expect you to do. Just find things that make you happy. Maybe that truly is cutting out coupons while you sip a glass (or several) of wine. Maybe it's meditating while the sounds of nature fill your mind. Maybe it's buying your favorite dessert pre-made instead of baking it. Maybe it's bowling. Maybe it's sleeping. Anyway, you get the point!

And that point is: Learn to say "yes" to yourself, and "no" to everyone else. I know it's hard to break out of turbo mode, and you may somehow feel selfish or that you're neglecting the essential functions of your life, but think about it: How can you truly feel bad for taking a break and enjoying your free time, your hobbies, your life? When was the last time you even had free time, or a hobby, or a simpler life?

So remember, the next time your neighbor asks you to help bring in her groceries, kindly inform her that you already have plans...she doesn't need to know that those plans are filled with a hot fudge brownie in a hot steamy bath.

Enjoy!