Women, Do We Really Need Intimacy?

I know my analysis on this topic may be considered Victorian and Sexist in principal, but as a woman who talks to other women about their problems, concerns and overall emotional health, I see a connection in relation to sex and mental health (although I am in no way a mental health professional), here are my musings about women's need for intimacy for overall mental health well being.

Frequently I find myself immersed in conversations with my co-workers and friends. Most often I find the topic of conversations are related to everyday stress, general unhappiness, and a sense of anxiety even though the woman cannot pinpoint a specific reason why she is anxious. Most women that sit down to talk to me are unhappy and some are crying or angry. The problems most are experiencing are everyday problems, such as money, career, children, and so on. I can empathize because I have felt this way at one time or another in my own life. I can literally feel the tension when I am talking to them. And although most women just want a shoulder to cry on--solutions or problem solving are not the main agendas--just a sense of relief that someone has at least lent a concerned ear.

I have found that most women and (some may disagree with this theory), are really reaching out for intimacy and affection. Although we downplay the importance of this in today's culture it is very important to a woman's overall health. I can give an example of this from a medical perspective. I often go to the doctor complaining of backaches or headache pain, and stress related issues. Usually the physician will ask what is going on in my personal life, I relay to the doctor the usual stresses and the doctor will ask am I watching my diet? Do I exercise regularly? Am I eating correctly? Followed by the question, do you have a boyfriend or significant other? The doctor does not plainly say but implies that lack thereof could be the underlying problem.

How does this theory tie in to my conversations with my female counterparts? Example, any given day a friend will come to me literally crying or angry with whatever is going on in their life at the time, and we discuss whatever is making her so crazy, and then miraculously overnight or after a weekend she will usually come back in a happy relaxed mood. Of course I will ask how everything is, and in the majority of the conversations the woman will say they had intimate relations, and they feel a hundred percent better. Although the problems are still there and the stresses have not decreased or diminished in any way, the attitude or outlook on life is much improved. The world is seemingly a less hostile place and coping with everyday life is easier.

Women today feel they can work, take care of the household and take care of themselves without help from anyone. But what toll is this taking on our mental health as women, more so in single women? We are ignoring our innate nature, the desire or need for intimacy, love and affection. Our bodies are telling us what we need just as you feel hunger or thirst. To ignore these fundamental needs would be detrimental to your health. I am not implying that ignoring the need for intimate relations would cause severe health problems, but I am saying that denying or not recognizing the need for the touch of another person, is denying your feminine nature. This in turn will cause emotional and hormonal imbalances, with symptoms, such as anger, frustration, and depression.

We would all like to think we have been created as a self supporting complete self contained feminine machine, with the ability to take care of ourselves, without the physical or emotional help from another human being. Our society supports this theory by saying being an independent woman is greater than cultivating and maintaining a family unit, an idea which is propagated consistently in advertising and television and society. In my opinion this is why more of us find ourselves on the therapist couch and heavily sedated, in an attempt to deny and suppress what is our inherent self expression.