Word Definition Prose: Hypochondria

'Come, now,' said the doctor in a friendly manner, 'what makes you think that?'

'Well, doctor, I will tell you. Just two years ago, I conceived the idea of having caught a cold. It was on a beautiful warm summer's day, mind you. The only reason I had for it was the fact that I both sneezed and coughed in a very short time frame.' Mrs Appleton shifted in her seat, uncomfortable and with a look of disgust on her face. 'You will not believe that the same thing happened to me just two days ago, doctor.'

The doctor frowned.

'Exactly, doctor, and the worst part is that I actually bought nose spray. For God's sake!'

The doctor looked at the clock.

'Now, Mrs Appleton, I am sure you have...'

Mrs Appleton, reliving the experience, interrupted. '...I have always had a hunch, but now I am sure. I am a freak, doctor, a hypochondriac freak!'

'Mrs Appleton, hypochondriacs are constantly tortured by anxieties about their health. They think they have all kinds of diseases and ailments. You do not even come close to this definition.'

The doctor looked at Mrs. Appleton's face with sincerity.

'Still, doctor, I am absolutely convinced of the fact that I suffer from hypochondria.'

The doctor sighed. 'Mrs. Appleton, unrightfully thinking you caught a cold twice in a two-year period does not make for hypochondria.'

Mrs. Appleton stared pensively to the ceiling. 'Well, in that case, doctor, consider this. A hypochondriac thinks he or she has health issues that are actually not there. So, technically speaking, am I not a hypochondriac for unrightfully thinking I suffer from hypochondria?'

The doctor had a blank stare in his eye. He looked around, trying to find a solution. 'But then you would have rightfully suspected that you had hypochondria, making it not a case of hypochondria, now would it, Mrs. Appleton?'

'So you are saying that me rightfully suspecting I have hypochondria would cause me not to have hypochondria, right? Then, even if I have rightfully suspected hypochondria, I would still not have hypochondria, resulting in me being convinced of having hypochondria whilst having it not, and thus actually having it, because I unrightfully rightfully thought I did.'

'Mrs. Appleton, I am going to have to refer you to Mr. Babcock for this.'

Mrs Appleton stood up, right after the doctor did. 'Who is he?'

The doctor and his patient shook hands. 'He is a semanticist. Here is his card.'