Words that Should Figure in a Dictionary - but Do Not

Baldage-The proportion of hair that collects in your brush, after you cross the age of 40. No hair oil or tonic in this world can cure this condition - sigh!!

Chocostasy-The delight of discovering an extra layer of chocolate, under your hot fudge sundae. Dig in, delightedly.

Tirestats- The calculation of the ratio of calories consumed and converted to tires around the midriff, or on the butt.

Emoticonia- The act of using only emoticons to scrap/post a response to someone who wonders what you are trying to say and sends back another emoticon. Now everyone's happily confused.

Orkicol... the new gen fevicol that makes net-addicts stick to their pc/chairs

Owlitis - a syndrome that makes net-addicts stay awake into the wee hours of the night

Windowjugglers : Experts who can juggle-chat simultaneously on 3 or more chat windows and still make sense.

Nobb-mania - the major anger that netties experience when their broadband connection fails

GlobalWarming: A deep warming caused by constant friction between the rear end of a net-addict and the chair

Ohnokeyboardanto- the act of having to clean ants coming out of your keyboard, since you took your lunch break while blogging/orkutting

Teddyhangover- those still sleeping with stuffed toys after the age of 30.

Hairotechnics- the hairstyles adopted by some men to hide fast fading glories of a full head of luxuriant hair.

Doodledoo-The art of being able to doodle and still manage to keep trackof what your boss/senior is saying.

Owleyetechnique - The art of sleeping with your eyes wide open in a boring meeting. Proponents of this art have also mastered the technique of looking alert and interested while practising this.

Cellophrania- act of shifiting your cell phone from one ear to the other in the hope that you will be able to hear better above the loud music emanating from someone else's cell phone.

Silencezonia-the sudden silence that falls at a workshop/meeting while you are telling your neighbour how boring the workshop is and you plan to escape during the second half.

Phonesia-Never knowing anyone's phone numbers now, since they are all stored on your cell phone.

Txtng - Yeah that messaging lingo full of abbreviations that irritates me.

Keypal-So what do you call a pen pal if you never use a pen to write him (or her)? Well, if you use a keyboard, this one should work.

Subcutaneosis: getting under the skin, like the sleazy fransip requests one gets on Orkut.

Net-o-factor: This is an exponential factor....every 5 minutes of your net time seems like 60 minutes to the family

Netohungry-ism: The moment you settle down to some net-surfing, the family yells' Is there anything to eat???...I'm hungry'!

Nostalgiatis: Frequent bouts of nostalgia...especially hits after the age of forty...., Beatles songs, Carpenters, Niel Diamond and Elvis Presley induce it a lot.

Pigstayoramia: The state of teens to keep their rooms looking like pig-sties, no matter how much you clean up after them....

Instantfixation: The current trend to find instant fixes for everything...from food to fitness et al....

Wheres-my-thingamajig-mommy-stygmatism: The inability of family to find their own stuff

(usually right in front of their face!), normally comes along with net-o-factor

Daddykinsiloveyou-ology/Mommykinsiloveyou-ology: Erupts occasionally (frequenc varies!)...when funds are required

Gizmofixation: The fear that life will cease without a cell phone/ipod/latest gizmo

Googlitremedy: The answer to all of life's questions.....answered in a jiffy.....

Foot-in-mouthitis ... a chronic failing of mine, when I blurt out the most embarassing things without thinking.

Metabolicstagnationitis: A fearsome and deadly affliction usually hits after 40. The complete cessation of metabolism, causing fat accumulation. Aggressive measures like exercise and dieting can barely keep it at bay

Multizophrenics- various net identities created by some flirts in the hope that they get more victims

Break-o-mania - Occurs in most homes when the Mommy figure is watching her favorite soap and will attend to the needs of the other family members only during the commercial break.

Sixpackphobic - Condition of all men after watching Vin Diesel/any other gorgeous hunk

Calorificspooking : When following a rigid diet, one is confronted by delicious visions of pizza slices or chunky slices of chocolate cake dancing tantalisingly in front of your mouth. I swear I have actually smelt them while being haunted

Convenientinesic - Occurs when I happily forget my diet when confronted by a Hot Chocolate Fudge Sundae

Gastrosnobbism : When people will talk knowlegeably about cordon bleu cooking and even know how to cook these dishes, but not be able to fix a simple sandwich

Fitnessmafia : Most of these people are slim, fit and live for the sweat and feel so virtuous about it, and love to poke fun about other peoples lack of fitness.

The above leads to related syndromes like

Buttsizephobia : Fairly obvious, frequently occurs when said person cant fit into his skinny-fit jeans

Ihateumania : When confronted by a rival's slim look after a succesful slimming programme

Can you suggest any?