Workplace Pessimism

"I have a hard time looking at myself, let alone other people."

I hate people. It does not matter what kind of people, I pretty much hate them all. When it comes down to it, people are stupid. They are arrogant, idiotic, pompous, presumptuous, judgmental, lazy, dirty beings. People live under this false pretense that they actually matter in life. Sure, they may be important in their small world, but not in mine. There are very few people in this world that I actually care about or am impressed by.

Am I an angry person? No, I am just a realist. I refuse to mislead you to think you actually mean something to me, nor do I need you to try to humor me. I'm not important - I get it! I am perfectly content with not mattering in your world. Ideally, I would prefer it.

"Sometimes I think the reason I don't get along with anyone else is because I'm superior. Then I think to myself, "What's so great about me?"

To further support my hatred of people, we will begin with the story of a woman we will call "C" - as in the "C" word. "C" is a member of the ever-important inner circle. "C", like all the rest of the world, has fooled herself into thinking she is important. I can help but think to myself, really??

"C" was invited to attend a party, which was essentially a celebration of the haves verses the have nots. So, there "C" was, all 5 feet of her, walking around the reception, as is she were a high roller at the casinos. She was walking around wearing a brown fur jacket (animal killer), with a matching fur hat. She looked like a rabid squirrel.

Adhering to the political correctness of our society, I said "Hello C."

She replied, "I'm sorry I don't know your name."

I could not help but think to myself - Are you kidding me you little troll? Not only have I interacted with you for over three years, but I see you every month at various meetings. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. Oh, and by the way, nice hat.

"When people talk to me, I usually nod my head and agree with whatever they are saying. If they continue to talk, I then say, "Are you still talking to me, horse face?"

Like everyone else, I have a boss. I am sure she is good at whatever it is that she does, however, she is not very good at the people side of things. She is one of those people who chooses to know people only on the surface; never caring enough to know the real you.

I can always tell when she is feeling guilty about being wrapped up in her own self-centered, narcissistic world because she will go out of her way to make small talk, as a way of demonstrating to me and the rest of the employees that she really cares. I can't help but think to myself - too little, too late. Most of the time I stare at her while she speaks waiting for something of interest to come out of her mouth, it never happens. I admit it; I am the employee from hell.

"I usually avoid people who are nice to me, because I know they're just going to ask for a favor sooner or later"

I work with this woman who has to be one of the happiest people I have ever met. Have you ever met someone who is just so gosh darn sweet that it is annoying? If you have met someone like this, it was probably my overly friendly co-worker. Not only does she come in every day and spread her morning cheer (can you believe some people?), but she also offers to help people and is polite on the telephone (I think she's mental). I have even found myself literally backing into a corner to hide in an effort to avoid her stomach wrenching cheerfulness.

My coworker is a deeply religious and spiritual person. She even goes as far as saying "God Bless" to me when I am forced to speak to her, as if she knows I am evil or something. I just cannot tolerate her over the top, pleasant nature. It is just not right, no one can be this happy. Am I evil for having zero tolerance for this over-the-top joy? Maybe, but at least I'm honest and I know my limits.

"Apathy is the highest virtue. If you don't have anything nice to say, welcome to the club."

There is this initiative where I work that stresses employee excellence. This initiative is epitomized by getting together and handing out cookies to the employees as a way of saying thanks (screw the cookies, give me a raise), or their idea of a leadership retreat is cramming us all into a hotel ballroom for one day, forcing us to be nice to one another (Please, I can barely say 'Hello' to you in the hallway and you want me to sit next to you and tell you what a good job I think you are doing? Not in this life, buddy).

This is the reality of my work environment; essentially, it is kill or be killed. There's no employee excellence here. People, who are supposed to support you, don't. People, who are supposed to be your friends, are not. People, who are supposed to do their job, don't.

So, why build up employee morale behind this false façade of excellence? Sure, it is great and all, but I think my motto is a bit more realistic. My motto is to make people leave either in tears or feeling completely defeated. When you reach either one of those goals, your work is done. This is really how most people operate in the workplace, but very few are willing to admit it.

Workplace pessimism is real. People hate their jobs, hate their bosses, hate their co-workers and hate their companies more and more everyday. Why should we continue to live under this societal burden that life is great and that we are fulfilled by our jobs and appreciated by our employers. It does not matter where you work, just like you hate them, your boss hates you, or will eventually learn to hate you too.

"Wherever I go, there I am, and I hate this place."

Me too!