World News Light: Issue 1

Serious News

U.K.
Britain's lack of sunshine in 2008 said to be critical. Thousands of Britons flee on emergency holiday to sunnier places.

U.S.
Republican presidential candidate, John McCain, chooses Alaskan moose hunter as his running mate. Thousands of moose flee on emergency holiday.

Europe in general
Beneath France and Switzerland, scientists have begun smashing tiny bits together in the hopes of finding the tiny bits responsible for life, and for the best wines, cheeses, and chocolates.

North Korea
North Korean officials scoffed at reports that Kim Jong-Il is ill. Our maniacal dictator is just fine, they said. A little under the weather, perhaps, but he will be back to taunting the world with nuclear weapons in no time at all.

Real Fashion

Models: Eyewitnesses report that a few runway models at this year's New York Fashion Week had recently eaten. One witness reports: "We knew right away they had eaten something within the last three days--because some had strength enough to smile."

Designers: "Fall colors are in for this fall season."

Light Entertainment

British comedy duo French and Saunders are on their final live tour. The final show of The Still Alive tour 2008 is scheduled for November 8, in London. I caught up with a French and Saunders fan in the U.S.:
"I won't be able to make it to London this year. Money is too tight and I did not know about their tour in time. Britney bloody Spears and Paris buggery Hilton obscured what should have been top news in every paper's entertainment section. I found out by pure accident when I went to the BBC website. It was only then I learned that two of the world's best comedians ever are giving their final live tour. Horribly depressing news."

World News Light notes: Sources indicate Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders are not quitting comedy--only the live sketch performances as French and Saunders.

Awards

Carmichael's Award for the News Headline That Made Me Spew My Morning Coffee:

The award goes to Associated Press for "Test may offer insights, doom." The story covered the CERN particle collider.

http://www.kansas.com/news/nation_world/story/524387.html

The award for this week's fascinating and unusual news:

Award goes to this article about fatal epidemics of nonstop dancing in Mediaeval Europe:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_7608000/7608874.stm

The following are the news sources for the original stories--the stories that inspired World News Light's altered, low-calorie versions.

BBC
http://news.bbc.co.uk

CNN
http://cnn.com