Worries About a Loved One with Dementia

The tentacles of dementia are far-reaching and touch all areas of your loved one's life. As a caregiver, family member, or friend, you may have seen the effects up close or read about the road you have ahead of you. If your loved one is in the early stages of dementia, you may already have a tiny window on the ravages to which this disease can subject families.

When a loved on is diagnosed with dementia, you may have some worries that you aren't sure how to deal with. Dementia has become so prevalent that many geographic areas have accessible support groups. If there is not a group near you, the internet makes it possible to be in touch with others in similar situations online. Support groups nationwide are available for family members and caregivers as well as for the person with dementia.

The most common form of dementia is due to Alzheimer's disease. Two of the other reasons for dementia are Parkinson's disease and stroke. Since dementia is the common denominator, many of the symptoms cross the lines of the diseases. Regardless of the particular diagnosis, when dementia strikes, there are many worries involved.

Will my loved one forget who I am?

In the early stages of dementia, short-term memory is affected first. You may notice your loved one keeps forgetting things that happened just a day previous but can tell you what she wore on the third date with her husband of 50 years. As the disease progresses, the brain continues to atrophy, thereby affecting your loved one's memory in greater detail. Although short-term memory is affected first, oftentimes longer term memory will also decline eventually.

For the immediate future, you can be a major source of consolation for your loved one. He or she can feel a sense of relief knowing that your friendly face is available and that you are there to help deal with the worries they have. At the dementia worsens, yes, it is possible that your loved one may lose the memory of you, or see you as a different person, or you at a different time in your life. Your support group or other family members may be a great source of reassurance for you at these times.

I'm worried about my loved one driving.

Driving is one of the biggest worries about people with dementia. Even if the driving itself does not seem to be impaired, if the person's other mental capabilities are affected by dementia, it can make driving a danger to your loved one or an innocent bystander. It has become all too common to hear on the news that an elderly person suffering from dementia mistakenly stepped on the gas instead of the brake and lives were lost.

Laws on elderly persons driving differ from state to state, as well as laws regarding driving after being diagnosed with dementia. Contact your loved one's doctor and your local Department of Motor Vehicles for the laws in your state. Many states do require that if a person is diagnosed with dementia the doctor must report it to the DMV and a special series of tests will be given.

Driving can be such a large part of a person's feeling of independence that it can cause great sadness and loss of self-esteem if that privilege is taken away. A useful experiment is for the caregiver to give up driving for a short period of time, depending on someone else to drive to errands and appointments. It will shed new light on what the person afflicted with dementia goes through when the right to drive is taken away.

Why is this happening to us?

Dementia is a disease that can leave destruction in its wake for years to come. Few diseases have the ability to cause such debilitation of formerly independent, bright, interesting people - people who have been loved and depended upon.

In spite of the extremely limited positive aspects of dementia, it can force those affected by the disease to focus on the now, to take joy in this minute. It is possible for you and your loved one to experience a closeness that you haven't had until this point. Being shoved against your will into this nightmare can have some positive moments. Know that you could be, even if, ultimately, it's just for a few seconds or minutes at a time, a safe haven for a person you love so much.