Worst and Best White Elephant Gifts

My office had the worst white elephant party I've ever attended when it comes to white elephant parties. I work with a bunch of psychiatrics and counselors in a clinic. I am a counselor myself. The way we played the game is by having everyone draw a number between 1 and 17 since there are 17 of us. I got 16 which is not the best number to get. If you don't already know, the best number to draw is 1, at least the way that we played the game. The first person does open the first present and may have presents taken from him throughout the game but in the end, the first person can choose whatever he wants even if the gift has been passed around three times (which is usually the limit on how many times you can take a gift).

There was only one really good gift - someone had brought a mix of alcohol syrups on a spinner. This is the only gift that went around three times. But since I don't drink much, I chose to open one of the remaining 2 gifts that were still wrapped. After all, there had to be at least one good gift among all the junk that was already on display. So what did I get? I got a clock that someone had probably taken off one of our walls that noticeably advertised the psychiatric drug "Effexor". Because the second hand didn't work, the clock didn't work although it did glow in the dark. Needless to say, I ended up putting the clock into the trash can. I don't think the giver would have been offended because it did it's job of creating lots of laughs.

So this is one of the basic things about giving a good white elephant gift. It has to either be really good and alluring or really bad. The problem with our white elephant game was that there was only one good gift and it had already been passed around three times. It's true that many of the bad gifts got lots of laughter but there was nothing left to barter for once the alcohol mixes were "off the market". Our head psychiatrist, the guy who runs the clinic, said that I got the worst gift. But I disagreed. Somebody got a foam head that you put wigs on that had creepy eyes and a face painted on it. It even had hair on it which was mossy brown. The psychiatrist who gave that gift was happy to say that he had to stare at that head every time he entered his basement for the last 30 years and now someone else had to look at it.
Other bad gifts among the bunch were: a jar of edible larvae of some insect species, a series of tapes of some John Grisham book (that actually got taken once or twice), and a box of junk laying around the house (ugly knickknacks and such). There were a few gifts that were re-gifted from the previous white elephant game the year before or repeatedly year to year. Because we had a limit of $10 to spend on the gift we brought, I actually brought a crock of cheddar cheese from Hickory Farms that was exactly $9.99. This was the last gift to go and even then, there was a lot of distrust in the room as to how old the cheese was. When the recipient announced that the expiration date wasn't until July 2008, it didn't seem to assuage anyone.

Bad gifts are good for laughs, especially gifts that have an "inside joke" feel to them like my Effexor clock. But unless you have a really bad gift, please bring a good gift so there is some exchange going on. What is a good gift? Over the years, the best gifts I have seen at white elephant games are: scratch lottery tickets (something that could be worth more value or has an aire of mystery - the promise of something better), a deluxe package of toilet paper (something useful), sex toys if you are among close friends (sometimes useful, sometimes popular, and always good for a laugh - of course, you can't probably bring this to an office party), and something edible like a box of ding dongs. The best worst presents to bring are: food that few of us can down (edible larvae, pigs feet, frogs legs, etc), anything creepy like that foam head for wigs, a book of jokes or interesting facts (this will usually get passed around just so people can see it), anything that can pass as a suitable stocking stuffer (if the game is held before Christmas) and anything that provides people with an "inside joke". For example, in the box with my Effexor clock was a container of mints called "Placebo mints". Of course, if you are low on cash, it is always acceptable to just find something laying around the house that you don't use or wish to rid of. One time, somebody brought an orange as their gift. It's always good for laughs to bring a bad gift in the most elaborate wrapping. This is also a good way to expose those who are superficial.
In closing, a white elephant game is a good way to get know yourself and others better. A good rule that we had for our game was not saying who brought what gift. Of course, a few people confessed anyways. Giver's remorse? Giver's guilt? Or getter's compensation?