Worst Fashion Mistakes - Advice from a Fashionista

I consider myself a fashion expert because I have worked at the mall. I have been in high school. I have been in college. I have sat and observed human fashion at its best and worst, and here is my take on "Worst Fashion Mistakes". This is a little piece called, "You should not wear that if..."

If it makes you looks like you work in an occupation that you don't.

Do your boots make you look like you are about to lead an expedition through the Himalayas? Yes? Then they do not look good in Chicago. Are you a NASCAR driver? No? Then remove that jacket. Are you a farmer? Sorry, those overalls don't look good even on farmers.

If it makes you look like you walk the streets for money.

I am tired of hearing girls say, "No one respects me for me intelligence", and "All the guys I meet only want one thing!" Yes, that is because if you happened to be standing on the corner of 9th and Governors during a vice squad sting, you would go to jail. How can you expect anyone to look you in the eye when so many other interesting parts are out there for the world to see?

If it makes you look like any kind of fruit.

There was a reason the assistant principal at my school was called "Dr. Banana Suit". This is especially true if you are on the large side: wearing all one color will make you look like the corresponding fruit or vegetable.-- If it makes you look like an ice cream cone. This is why skinny jeans are so problematic. Take a pair of brown pants fitted at the ankles, and add a a strawberry colored sweater -- what do you think you will look like? You aren't choosing an outfit, you are choosing a flavor.

For you guys, if it makes you look like your legs are disproportionate to your torso.

Or if it makes you walk like a duck. This applies to the jeans worn below the tush and the long, long shirts. It also makes you look about 100 pounds heavier than you are.

And speaking of which, if it is four sizes too big.

This is also for the guys. Do that math: If your waist is a size 34, then why are your pants a size 48? The laws of physics state that the extra 14 inches must go somewhere. And where do they go? Underneath that XXXL size shirt you are wearing. I know Fat Albert is cool, but you're not.

If it makes you look like a popcicle.

Straight jeans on the bottom and a baggy shirt on top? Just go ahead and wear a hat made of sprinkles and hot fudge.

If it has shoulder pads.

Do you play pro football? Not in that dress.