Worst Valentine's Day Date Ever

It was almost 7:00 pm and I was finally finished with my make-up and hair. This was my very first date with a guy I had met at Memory Lane; a dance club in Columbus, GA. I was nervous, but excited as well. This was the fist Valentine's Day date I had been on since my divorce. The clock ticked and my Mom, whom I was room mating with, told me to sit down before I drove her crazy. So, I plopped down on the couch and kind of watched whatever was on the television.

Moments later, I heard a car pull up rather quickly in front of the house. I started to stand up when I heard a loud explosive popping sound. I stood there, frozen, wondering what the heck was going on outside. My Mom's boyfriend moved the curtains and looked outside to see what had caused the noise. The next thing I know he was laughing himself silly as he said, "I think your boyfriend was in too much of a hurry."

I shook my head as I asked my Mom's boyfriend what he was talking about and then walked over to look out the window myself. Now there were three faces staring out the window at my hapless date as he jumped out of his car and ran over to check his tire. It seems he pulled in too close to the curb and somehow managed to pop his tire right off the rim. Great!

Trying not to laugh, I schooled my features to a benign smile and walked to the door and opened it. I peered outside just in time to hear my date cursing up a blue streak. I carefully closed the door and stepped back inside the house; barely controlling a giggle. I leaned my back against the door and tried to shush my Mom and her boyfriend, who were now laughing uproariously. "Mom, you're going to embarrass him!" I think they tried to stop laughing, but it seemed a complete impossibility. Turning back to the door, I peeked out the view hole and saw that he was coming up the stairs. I quickly shushed everyone in the room and waited for my date to knock.

A knock sounded on the door and I waited a few seconds before opening the door. I offered my date a smile and held the door open; inviting him inside. My date was a big, handsome soldier and he did not look happy. I asked him if everything was okay and he shook his head "no". He then proceeded to tell me that he had a flat tire and that if we wanted to go on our date, then I would have to drive. I commiserated with my date and then told him I'd be happy to drive. Trying to get him out of the house quickly, before my Mom and her boyfriend busted up laughing again, I hurried us both out the door.

Fast forward to us sitting at a table at a local sports bar and grill. We had a perky blonde waitress who decided that my date was better than anything on her menu. I tried not to get peeved, as I really didn't know the guy very well yet, but I failed miserably. Not to mention, I was PMSing and felt incredibly self-conscious and grumpy. We ordered appetizers and dinner and waited for it to arrive. As we sat there, the small talk went from what zodiac sign (he was a Gemini and I am a Virgo) we were to the very bizarre. I say bizarre, because my date decided to start telling me this story about how his faith in God had saved him when he purposely drank a glass of gasoline... Yeah...

Realizing that maybe this guy didn't have all his marbles, I quickly ate my appetizer and half of my meal before the waitress came back. When the waitress finally arrived, she wasn't there to see if we needed anything else. No. She was there to give my date her phone number. Can you believe it? I swear, that was the last straw. I stood up, grabbed what was left of my iced tea and tossed it at both of them. I was trying very hard to be angry, but as I deposited my napkin over my plate, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Really, it was a very crazy night and you should have seen their faces. Finally, I looked at both of them, wished them a wonderful night together and then left the restaurant and drove home... alone. I have no idea how my so-called date got home, nor do I care. I never saw either of them again and that was fine with me.

Next time, I think I'll just buy myself a box of chocolates and watch a movie -alone- at home!