Would You Save Your Spouse or Your Children in a Fire?
There were many things about this that upset my wife but the pertinent issue is that she turned to me and said that if we ever had a fire and I got her out instead of the kids, she would kill me.
I nodded and out loud I said something to the effect of "Yes dear". But inside I said, "Are you on crack? There's no way on earth I'm carrying your grown ass out of a fire if our kids are in there too."
Every parent who is reading this now is shaking their head in agreement. Now, I am not criticizing the actions of the man who really did have this dilemma. He's in the hospital, his stepson is dead and his homestead no longer exists. If anything he deserves praise for running back into a burning building.
Instead I am wondering at what point your love for your kids surpasses the love for your spouse.
I have a much longer history with my wife than with my kids, as I imagine most people do. Also, I sacrificed a lot to be with my wife - why am I so ready to let her go up in smoke to save the kids who've made me broke, constantly tired and left me with gray hair?
The easy answer is that the kids are young and have their whole lives ahead of them and it would be selfish to save the adult, instead.
But aren't most of us selfish? Why then do we have this insatiable need to protect the children?
If you asked anybody with children who they would save first in a fire, their spouse or their kids, I'm willing to bet that 99.9 percent of them would say their kids. We can't get that kind of agreement on if man really landed on the moon or if the Holocaust really happened - how do we get it in this case?
One of the great philosophical questions man faces is - why are we here? George Carlin says it is to make plastic because that's the one thing earth can't create or destroy.
Perhaps the simplest answer to that philosophical question is that we (as living things) are here to take our part in the food chain and carry on the species.
Are humans so comfortable with our man-made role at the top of the food chain that we now focus exclusively on carrying on the species?
I don't pretend to know any of the answers. But it is amazing where the mind goes when your wife tells you to let her die in a fire and you do not feel the need to produce a counter argument.
Published by Brian Joura
Freelance writer for hire. References available upon request. View profile
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18 Comments
Post a CommentOne important detail of the story is that it was stepson. I'm positive that my "stepdad" when I was 17 wouldn't even consider saving me.
Also, she was using a cane, as opposed to the near adult stepson.
I'm not a parent, so I'm not sure what I'd sdo.
People, this really isn't a debate. Your first priority as parents is to ensure the safety of your children. By not thinking of them in a life-and-death situation such as this, it really is worse than selfish. For me, I would probably put my kids in my wife's arms and make sure they all get out. I would sacrifice myself for my family any day.
Just so I never have to face this dilema, I'ma make my kids stay at a hotel when they come over to visit this summer...
Excellent piece! I'm not sure how I ever missed it before. I'm sure you already know my answer by reading my articles. My kids are more important to me than even myself. If Ihad to throw each one out of a window or door due to fire while I stood there burning to death, I'd do it. As for dear hubby, well I would save him if he couldn't save himself, but the kids would have to come first for sure. :-)
That's a great article, Brian. Thought-provoking and meaningful.
P.S. This article is also an excellent reminder to have custodians for your kids in case you and your spouse both were unable to care for the kis. When I was in school, one classmate's parents died in a crash. Luckily, there were family members to take her in.
My husband and I actually had this discussion. It would be the kids. We can't have or adopt more and a major joy in our life is being parents. Other couples might handle things differently, especially if they were young enough to have more children. We are not.
What a thought provoking article. With all three of our bedrooms so close, I would hope that my husband and I could "divide and conquer." "You get the boys, I'll get Sis." We both just agreed that our children would come first in this situation. The truth is tho, in situations like this, you rarely have much time to think and it;s hard not to let emotions lead the way.
deep piece brian. i would hope that i would be willing to sacrifice myself for those that i love
I don't know the answer to this one if my children were still small. Today, however, with them being young and strong and my husband and mother not being that way, I'd probably opt to save those who couldn't save themselves first. On a level playing field, however, I think I'd have to go for my children first because of my grandchildren. Plus, my husband would understand and he would know that I would expect him to do the same.