Writers: How to Overcome Rejection and Criticism and Get Published!

I decided to attend the talk by Kristin Von Kreisler tonight at the Bainbridge Island Public Library. A group for Writers, The Writer's Roundtable, part of the BPL's Field's End, sponsored this free event. Little did I know what a treat I was in for! As a successful and published author, Kristin offers up an elixir for writers, based on her own journey through handling criticism and rejection in an attempt to get published!

A writer and new Bainbridge Island resident, I was a bit timid when I entered the small conference room that seemed even smaller in the ultra bright lights and white paint and stark walls. Unfamiliar faces stood and milled about, affixing name tags to sweaters, jackets and scarves. About 30 of us were there. About 5 of the attendees were men. I wondered why that is. Perhaps male writers tend to stay home and write, while we women writers roam about in search of other writers.

A woman with big eyes and a friendly smile nodded and greeted me as I sloppily (from nervousness) wrote my name in black sharpie on the white sticker. She made me feel acknowledged and comfortable. I wondered if this was Kristin, the guest speaker for the evening.

I made my way through the chaos of unevenly spaced and oddly set metal folding chairs, and sat in the front. No one on either side of me, I felt safe, semi-alone.

Then, I waited. The event was slated to start at 7pm. But it was now 7:15. I heard a lot of conversations. Mostly murmuring. None of it about writing. I felt odd. Perhaps out of place. I am a serious writer and I'm here to feed my writing life, I thought to myself. I think I must have been frowning because a woman two seats to my left leaned forward and got my attention. Her face showed concern, as if to imply the question, are you okay? I instantly smiled to her and watched her face grow into an acknowledging smile. She then looked away and went back to murmuring to the woman with really cool boots to her left.

This is when I noticed a young woman with a brown pony tail and really cool fashionable clothing cleared her throat and walked to the front of the room. I think she was nervous. She introduced the Bainbridge Public Library Field's End Writer's Roundtable guest speaker, Kristin Von Kreisler, as her "dear friend".

Then, a petite, pretty with no make-up woman with short white hair, who looks no older than 51, got up from the farthest seat in the front left row, and walked to the podium that was shoved way back in the left corner of the room. She cleared her throat and started to speak. I could not tell what she said. She interrupted herself and tried to move the podium forward. It was too heavy. She said, "I've never done this before", and the whole room laughed in unison. COOL, I thought, the show is starting!

She wobbled the heavy podium back and forth, rather quickly, said, "That's better", and began her speech, which she had in front of her, in large font.
She frequently referred to it, but then went off in wonderful tangents of anecdote about her experiences as a writer trying to get published.

I was riveted. Too bad it wasn't filmed. She should give speeches more often, and I plan on going back to more BPL Field's End Writer's Roundtable events! Somehow, I feel it will help my writing. Perhaps that's because I'm a woman... I can hear the practical voice of my favorite professor saying, enough this and that, just get down to IT. I liked his distinction between this, that, and it. Apparently, "it" is the thing we should focus on as writers, and not this and that.

As Kristin spoke, I was delighted to see a successful and pragmatic writer share her story, her experience of reality. I sat, enrapt, locking my gaze on her, posture upright, breath steady, listening to her well thought-out speech. Her demeanor, self-proclaimed "simplicity", and sharp humor struck me. This was not a person like me. But I liked her difference and respected it. Her words filled me with optimism and inspiration. By the time an hour had passed and the talk was over, I was ready to go home and write.

Some of the ideas that Kristin so hilariously shared included the importance of knowing when to consult the inner critic and when to tell it to take a hike. Unfortunately, I won't be able to capture the humor and energy with which she delivered her speech.

She spoke from a place of experience as a writer who is published globally in magazines from Cosmopolitan to Mother Jones to the Christian Science Monitor, Reader's Digest, and Rolling Stone. She has recently written a couple novels about animals, and is an animal activist here in Bainbridge. In addition to her many pieces in many international magazines, Kristin has penned books about animals, including her most recent Beauty in the Beasts and The Compassion of Animals,

Her witty and eloquent talk was about how to keep going as a writer and overcome rejection and criticism and GET PUBLISHED!

She started out by stating how important it is to make friends with your own inner critic. Tell her she can go out to lunch or to the beach while you are writing your rough draft, and then kindly invite her back to review and help revise your work.

Then, Kristin suggested the following 12 steps for overcoming rejection and criticism and getting published:

1. Pay attention to who is doing the criticizing. - Are they trying to help you? Is the information they are sharing beneficial and constructive?
2. Critics can be morons. - Make sure that you know if the critic is out of line, off base, or out of touch and summarily reject their feedback as "non-constructive and irrelevant".
3. If you get hurt from rejection or criticism, step back and regroup. - Rejection or criticism of our writing can trigger wounds and create the opportunity for personal growth. Allow yourself to heal. She recommends the book, Emotional Healing at Warp Speed, in which the idea of criticism as a chance to heal.
4. Accept criticism or rejection as a gift. - It can help immeasurably in making you review and/or revise your work and/or develop a tough skin. Faulkner was quoted here as saying, "Failure is a chance to begin again more intelligently."
5. See criticism and rejection for what they are. - It's just someone else's viewpoint. There are tons of viewpoints in the world. Which ones do you care about? Rejection and criticism are not the end of the world.
6. Find ways to deflect criticism. - If you are feeling funked out about something someone said about your work (or didn't say, silence can be so harmful when you've solicited feedback), change your energy by doing something energetic, like running, dancing, singing, yoga, breath work, energy work, go for a walk, or even yell in your car real loud! She said that often, when she felt angry about some feedback, if she just moved that anger or negativity by physically moving, she felt tons better and more invigorated and strengthened in her writing. Kristin suggested writing affirmations about your writing or writing a letter to the Great Spirit and then burning it.
7. Before having your work read for feedback, have a plan. - Have a list of who you will have read your work. The minute you get feedback from one person, send it out to the next person. This applies to novel writers more than poetry, short story, or magazine and article writers, as book agents and publishers usually have a requirement that your work is not currently in review by anyone else. Having multiple publication options in mind helps kindle hope that someone will say yes! Kristin shared some statistics about how many rejections it takes to get a "YES". It was something like for every query letter you send out for a novel, expect 50-80 rejections before you get a "YES". For every article or short story or poem you send out, expect 80-100 rejections before you get a "YES". Then, she quoted several famous writers and gave information about how many times they were rejected before someone said yes. Stephen King had his 30^th short story published, and that was his big break.
8. Grow from criticism and rejection. She referred to one of favorite writers, Friedrich Nietzsche, who wrote in his first book, The Birth of Tragedy, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And here, my friend, is an ironical amen! (Nietzsche wasn't prone to seeing value in "amening").
9. Consider reworking your material. - If the rejection or criticism feels "sound" to you, see this as a call to revise and revisit your work. It can be a chance to improve your writing! She also said something interesting about "the days as a writer that go well are a result of the work we did on the days that don't go so well." I think there is a hinting of truth there, on many levels.
10. Set a goal. - Oh yeah... that.
11. Never give up. -This is all she said, other than, "As Winston Churchill said... never give up, never give up, never give up..."
12. Forget ego. - If you are not writing from a pure and clean place that is authentically you, then don't do it.

WRITE ON!