Writing with Autism

In one word: me. I have Autism. Life is difficult, not so much because autism affects the things I do, (which it does) but mostly because people do not take the time to get to know me. My clothes scare off most people, before they get to meet me. The few that aren't scared off get upset at my not making eye contact when they speak to me. They get more upset when I don't answer them back. Next they start interigateing me, questions left and right and I sit down on the ground and start drawing or writing in order to block out their words, because I can't process so many questions all at once like that. Next thing I know they are calling me a retard and telling their friends to stay away from me. Think I'm talking about kids? Think again. I'm over 30 years old. No kid ever called me a retard, but their parents did (and still do), Sunday School teachers did, adults, men and women in the 30s, 40s, and 50s. When you tell someone you have Asperger's Syndrome they ask: "What's that? Never heard of it." When you say it's a form of Autism, they respond with: "Oh, so you ARE retarded than. I thought so." My response is: "Was Albert Einstein retarded?" and they say, "No, he was a genius, he was the farthest thing in the world from retarded!" And than I throw the big one at them: "Did you know that Albert Einstein had Asperger's Syndrome? and so does nearly every other person whom like myself is one of the 3% of the world's population with an IQ of over 130?" (My IQ is 138 btw.)

There needs to be a better understanding in the world about Autism, and well, you hear doctors and teachers and parents talk about what the "think" it's must be like, but how often do you hear what it is like from someone who actually has it? Not often enough, I'm afraid, so I am going to speak out, and maybe others like me will read this and than step forward too.

It takes me a long time to get enough used to some one to start speaking to them ... years sometimes. It's very hard, because people don't want to make an effort to try to understand and worse they never want to become my friend. Autism = a lonely life.

A common myth I keep hearing about Autism, states that Autistics are retarded and unable to hold a job. Well, some jobs, yes, and Autistic person can't do - jobs requiring use of a telephone for example, as well as jobs in places with bright lights or loud noises. Jobs where there is a lot of commotion and people coming and going are difficult as well. But not all jobs and work places are like that, and in a calm, dim-lit, quiet setting, a person with Autism, can do almost any job a non-Autistic person can do.

There are a few careers, however, which stand out as jobs which many Autistics excel at. These include becoming a scientist, a research specialist, animal care, painting & drawing, and journalism or authorship. My focus today is on the latter.

I have Autism, or more specifically, I have "Schizotypal Asperger's Syndrome with OCD Tendencies". It is a rare "far end scale" form of Autism that is commonly misdiagnosed as Schizophrenia and is basically like taking Autism, Schizophrenia, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and throwing them all together.

I also have Dyslexia, PTSD, and am a recovering Agoraphobic.

Speaking Verbally vs The Written Word

Outside of the 7 members of my family, I don't talk. I started reading when I was three, and was writing shortly after wards. In my younger years I was very talkative around family, but near silent all other times. When I was 14 my best friend was murdered, and I just stopped talking and started writing more than ever. Written word took over and I became known for my 20 - 30 page double sided letters. (Which I wrote to 70+ pen pals from all around the globe, as well as letters of protest to many companies.)

Today, nearly 20 years later, I still rarely speak a word and than only to immediate family members, but now I'm also known for my extremely long-winded articles which I write online. In my lack of speech, writing took over as my main form of communication (which is why I'm better at communication online, than I am face-to-face with someone: online I can type).

Excuse me. . . I'm sorry, but I've been talking to you for a half hour now and you haven't heard a word I said .

This is a frustrating thing and unfortunately, it happens often. I well be sitting usually writing, sometimes drawing, other times embroidering (the three things I do more than anything else), when suddenly I look up and see some one standing over me, and asking why I haven't answered them yet. Me? I'm sitting there confused as hell, wondering what it is I am supposed to be answering and how they got there without me noticing them.

I don't talk, I write. I write a lot. I am often told people like my writing style, because it is unique, and I am often asked, if I could explain or teach them how I write so that they can learn my methods and write like I do. The problem comes when I try to explain what happens to me when I start writing. I guess, if you want to learn to write like me, than you'd have to learn to mimic one the the more outlandish symptoms of Asperger's: blocking out everything around you and seeing and hearing nothing.

Nothing. Period.

I can't teach my writing method, because it's not really teachable, all I can do, is try to explain it.

The biggest problem with my writing style, is the fact that I simply sit down and start writing. Literally. No matter where I am, or what I am doing, I simply sit down and start writing. This is such a huge problem, that you almost never see me go out in public unaccompanied by another adult. This is also why I do not live alone, why I do not drive a car, and why I can not hold a *regular* day job. I sit down where ever I am, when ever the mood strikes and just start writing.

I actually can not walk in places where I will have to cross the street or a parking lot, unless I have some one with me to guide me across the road, because I frequently, just stop to write right there in the cross walk. It's a problem I have, and a really bad one that has caused me to be nearly hit by a car on countless occasions, because my mind no longer see things around me.

I once sat down and started writing, and didn't stop for 48 hours... Did not eat, did not sleep, I completely lost track of time. I was totally taken by surprise when I realized the 2 whole calendar days had passed before I noticed it, because to me, it seemed like no more than 20 minutes had passed.

I try to explain this to people when they ask, but my verbal speaking is not that good, and my words come out in a stuttered, jumbled mess. People often tell me that reading the stuff I write, they would never have guessed that I had such huge difficulties in verbal conversation. They say they though I was one of those chattering women who never shuts up, because I am so long winded in my writings. They also say, they never would have guessed that "a retarded person" had written the stuff I write. (I will point out I dislike their calling me retarded, btw.)

Most things in life are very difficult for me. I admit I'm often lost and confused about most things people say and do. I can go weeks without saying a word. I did however pick up one thing early on and today 30 years later, I excel at it: writing. Because I rarely talk, I took over writing instead. Today I write 7,000 to 10,000 words a day. I write short stories, novels, pattern books, how tos, online articles, editorials, sermons, plays, comic books, you name it I write it.

Autism may be a disability in most aspects of my life, but I found a way to take what I could do and go with it, and now I'm a professional writer as a result. People who read my stuff are often shocked when they meet me face to face. They say "YOU wrote that...but...but...you're retarded...how could you have written THAT?!?" I tell them, just because I can't do some things, doesn't mean I can't do anything.

If you want a more detailed look inside what this "disorder" is like well, this is me: http://www.squidoo.com/Aspergers-Syndrome-and-Me

and I wrote a book (my autobiography) if you want a really detailed and in depth look into what it is like living with Autism. The book goes on for nearly 600 pages: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/for-fear-of-little-men/595497...