Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Personalized wedding vows bring meaning and significance to the wedding ceremony that traditionalized vows cannot. What better way to begin your lives together than by declaring your most important promises to each other and sharing those with your friends and family?

The expectations we have of one another form the foundation of every relationship we have in our lives. The vows shared during the wedding ceremony should be a beautiful interpretation of that foundation. To begin the process, sit down with your loved one and talk about what each of you believe makes your relationship special and unique.

What do you, as the bride, provide for your groom that he treasures the most? What do you value most about him? What are the emotional gifts you receive from him that bring you the greatest joy, comfort and contentment? In deciding what should be included in your wedding vows to him, use these traits, actions or values as the foundation.

What do you, as the groom find most unique and special about your bride? What does she bring into your life and your world that no one before her has brought? What are the blessings that you bring into her life that she treasures the most? Again, these gifts of love should form the foundation of your vows to her.

The discussion itself will create an atmosphere of intimacy and closeness between the two of you that will help you both tap into the parts of your hearts and souls that should be the guiding force as you write your vows. Once this readiness of mind and spirit are accomplished, each of you should begin on your own by creating an outline of the promises you wish to make to each other.

There is no need to bother with wording at this stage, simply list brief descriptions of what you feel are the most important declarations of your love for one another. When you have completed this stage of the process, decide if you want to share your lists with one another before moving forward.

When you are both satisfied with your lists, begin expanding the verbiage to reflect your own unique personalities. It is important that the vows you share with one another on your wedding day reflect who you are. Although your vows should certainly reflect an appropriate level of seriousness and elegance, do not attempt to disguise your own personality or manner of speech with wording or phrases you would never otherwise use. To do so will only diminish the intimacy and meaningful nature of your efforts.

Your vows are going to consist primarily of promises to one another. These promises will be based on the discussion the two of you had earlier when you determined the most meaningful and treasured emotional gifts you bestow on each other. However, do not limit yourself to vows that are nothing more than a list of promises. Give substance to those promises by sharing the origin and meaning of each.

One example of this would be, "Because the comfort I receive from you has always eased even my greatest burdens, I promise I will always remember you are my closest friend and ally. I will treat you as such and never forget that I am to be yours as well."

Once each of you has expanded your list into a genuine declaration of your promises of marriage to each other, it is a good idea to share them with one another. Although many couples prefer to save the sharing of their vows until their wedding day, this could prove awkward should the two of you have extreme differences in your approach.

In reading your vows together before the ceremony, you will have the opportunity to modify them as needed and thereby ensure absolute solidarity with the declarations of love and commitment each of you will make on your special day.

After the wedding ceremony is over, you may also choose to display your vows in your home, along with a portrait of the two of you on your special day. A collage of your printed vows with mementos from your wedding will not only be a beautiful addition to your bedroom, but will also serve as a daily reminder of the many reasons you love each other and what will keep that love alive and growing.