Writings on the Wall

Ha, what a load of crap! That is so corny I could puke. My psychoanalyst says I have to write in this diary everyday, about my feelings. Yeah right, like that's gonna happen. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, my psychoanalyst. He's a real prince. He thinks he's the sexiest bastard ever. He is a pretty sexy bastard, but not as sexy as me. You should sell all the nurses falling all over him, "Oh, Doctor this..." and "Oh, Doctor that..." it makes me sick. He doesn't give a rat's ass about me. Thinks I'm just another messed up rich kid. He comes to see me a few times a week to talk about my emotions and all that bull. All he really ever does is give all those bimbo nurses the time in his office. I wouldn't mind being him, to be honest. Who would?

I'm so goddamn sick of this place. All I want to do is go back and see Phoebe and go to the park with her to watch her skate. And go to the ballpark with Allie and horse around. I even sorta miss my goddamn damn. Prick. Never talked to him much. I even miss Old Stradlater, Ackley, and that Maurice kid. I'm gonna die a virgin if I don't get outta here. I really worry about things like that sometimes.

The thing is, how the hell am I supposed to get better if I don't know what the hells wrong with me? It's not like I'm gonna get any better with all these phones around here trying to get me to "open up." I think my family has given up on me. Can't blame em.

I wish they would let me smoke my goddamn cigarettes in here once in a while. I'm turning in a madman, or maybe I already am. I don't know. I just want to go to the lake and find out where all the ducks go when the lake freezes over. I should just jump outta the stinking window. At least here, there'll be someone to properly cover up my body, so my parents don't have to see my guts spilled all over the sidewalk. I would jump, but there are goddamn windows on the windows! Bars! I know you're not gonna believe me, but there really are bars on the windows. Anyway, I gotta go now. Guess it's time for another chit-chat with Dr. Sexy Sonuvabitch.