Yeah, I'm Five Years Old... Jealous?

Human beings are extremely jealous of one another. It is a basic human emotion to be jealous, one that everyone has dealt with at one time or another. How people on the reciprocal end of jealously react can influence the jealous person's negative behavior, often exaggerating it, and if the envious people are prone to cruelty, can spur manipulation and bullying as well.

How well the envied person takes jealousy aimed in their direction is the main focus of this article, and one that deals with how jealousy is perceived from an early age, and the negative effects it has on people's relationships and how they look at other human beings.

I have experienced jealousy, from as far back as a five year old girl. I remember it was my fifth birthday, a monumental occasion in my young life. I had my beautiful baby doll that I got as a present from my mom, with a pull string that made the doll talk; my own personal baby. I also had a wad of dollar bills, thirteen if I remember correctly, and I thought I was the richest girl in the whole wide world. In effect, I was. The year before at the age of four, I had open heart surgery to correct seven holes in my heart. I think that's why this birthday was extra special. I was alive and healthy. My mother even managed to snap a cute picture of me holding my dolly and "ton" of cash.

In the background sat my best friend at the time and she was feeling left out, pouting like kids do when they are not getting the same attention or gifts. This could be a cute, even funny memory, but there was also the issue of her sister as well. Her big sister, a teenager at the time, had the nerve to stand by my friend and give me dirty looks. As a sensitive, fully aware and bright child, I knew what the sister was doing, and sensed her displeasure at me not paying attention to her sister, even though it was my birthday.

I can distinctly remember feeling less happy at that exact moment, and feeling like I "owed" them something, or that I didn't "have the right" to feel the full joy of the moment. I think that instances like this, the formative years, children learn about the jealousy factor, and tend to internalize the situation.

I tended to internalize, especially since there were other circumstances like bullying in school that made me question myself, being a shy and kind child. At the young age of five, one's emotions are raw and analytical powers practically nill. I didn't realize it at the time, but this friend's big sister probably was annoyed at having to babysit, and didn't want to be at a little kid's birthday party. I can laugh at the situation now, but it still resonates strongly in my psyche how a negative personality can be wrong. I never wanted to be like that, and learned from various examples on how to become stronger inside and try to be positive, even in the most difficult moments of my life. I can honestly say that my experiences as a child helped to shape my character.

As adults, people know how to avoid other people's negativity, for let's face it: when it comes down to it, people are only concerned with themselves and their own problems. People that go out of their way to antagonize others as adults often have the worst problems of all, basically low levels of maturity and common sense. In this way the child who victimized another is affected by their own negative actions; for their whole life has revolved around jealousy, one of the biggest negative factors in stunting emotional and spiritual growth. So in a sense, my being a target of jealousy did not do me any long term harm, other than make me analytical. I truly know right from wrong and thankfully, I was on the right side all along.