Yelling During an Argument, Does it Solve Anything?

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone who can't talk to you without immediately cursing, calling you names or yelling at the top of her lungs while you're trying to speak to her in a civil tone? You can't get a word in edgewise because she's already hollering. And like hip hop artist Method Man rapped on singer Jonell's song, "Round and Round," "every time she choose to go to war/I'm looking at the front door."

Now you've left this hollering, angry woman until she's calmed down, but now she's boiling hot because you're ignoring her. You can't win. You talk to her, and she's talking down to you. You ignore her, and she says you're paying her no attention. But you're really 2.5 seconds from walking out the door for good.

Now before you give up on a woman you really do like because of her foul temper, try to establish some ground rules.

Step One: Find a quiet place in your home or hers (or both if you're living together) where no one can interrupt. Turn off the ringers of all cell phones and house phones. Make sure the kids are sleep or off to the babysitter's house. It's just you and her.

Step Two: Establish some ground rules before the conversation you're about to have becomes a yelling match.

Rule One: No yelling. The same points can be made without screaming at each other. Once one person starts screaming, the other person stops listening to what's being said and is more concerned about the volume level of the conversation.

Rule Two: No arguing in public. Just because you two don't get along does not mean the world has to know it. Let her know that under no circumstances should there be loud arguing in front of friends or family, in public places with strangers around or in the background while you're on the phone. While the yelling person may have a point, the person being yelled at is probably embarrassed that the yeller is talking to him like he's a child, and the point of the argument is lost again.

Rule Three: No touching in a violent manner. If either of you feels like you want to throw fists, shake the other person, push him or her, grab necks or any other aggressive way of touching the other person, walk away. Your problems definitely won't be resolved if the two of you are physically fighting. Domestic violence will only lead to visible bruises on the body to match the mental bruises inside of your head.

Rule Four: No destroying each other's property. Although women cheered during "Waiting to Exhale" when Angela Bassett's character burned her husband's clothes and Regina King's character in "This Christmas" crashed her husband's SUV, there's nothing amusing about obstruction of property. Pop stars will remember the late rapper Left Eye burning a pair of gym shoes in her boyfriend's, Atlanta Falcons receiver Andre Rison, tub and the whole mansion caught on fire. Although he took her back, she could've been put in prison for arson had he pressed charges. Do not believe because you are a woman that somehow you're exempt from prison time for keying cars, slashing tires or busting windows out of cars while listening to singer Jazmine Sullivan. While you may find temporary relief in destroying something of monetary value, keep in mind that in all of these examples the woman still had the same problems after she'd committed these crimes-in movies and in real life. These antics are for disturbed children, not women who claim to be grown-ups.

Rule Five: No name calling. Sticks and stones may hurt, but to hear someone you care about call you all kinds of disrespectful names sticks in that person's memory bank. And after you've finished calling him names, you still have the same unresolved issues.

Rule Six: No including other people's feedback in the conversation. If you want to vent to your brothers and she wants to vent to her girlfriends, maybe that's your way of relaxing. However, the only two people in the relationship is you two so it should be your concerns and feedback that are discussed. He really doesn't care what your girlfriend with no boyfriend or the girlfriend in a great relationship has to say. He's not dating her. If he wanted to know what she had to say, you'd be single and he'd be with her.

Step Three: Decide how you're going to deliver your list of complaints. If you're going to say them verbally, make sure to stay on track. If your issue is his phone ringing late at night, yelling about him not putting the clothes in the dryer is irrelevant. The same goes for writing the issues down. Focus on what the real issues are. Some couples find it easier to write out a list of issues they have, but the longer the list the more likely he's going to feel like nothing he does is right. Get to the root of the issue. Deal with the problems that are big enough to break up over first. Once those are resolved, then you can worry about the small things.

Step Four: Have you ever eaten a hot dog with only one side of the bun? Probably not. There are two sides of the hot dog bun for a reason, and the same goes for your ears. Listen twice as much as you talk. Instead of becoming defensive, listen to what this person is saying. She may have some valid points that you were too busy ignoring because of the yelling.

Step Five: Decide whether the concerns she brings up are worth changing. If you are content the way you are and don't care about what makes her happy, you don't like her all that much. When a man really loves a woman (or likes her a whole lot), he's willing to compromise, and women will do the same. But if she's unhappy and you're indifferent, you don't really care about her feelings or her so why waste her time? She could be using that to find a man who does care about her while you find someone who likes you the way you are.

Step Six: Proceed with your decision. If your decision is to compromise or change your attitude, stick to it. If you don't want to change a thing and would rather continue to let her be unhappy, it's time for both of you to part ways in a civil manner.