Yoga Musings

Namaste to all yoga lovers and haters alike. I thought yoga would be an easy beginner exercise, but I thought wrong! Where has my flexibility gone? I was a gymnast in my younger days and could put both feet behind my head while walking on my hands. In fact, I still hold the school record for limbo at one foot, nine inches. Yesterday, I tried yoga again for the first time in four years and my body felt like it had concrete in it!

Imagine the character "Doug Heffernan" from the sitcom "The King of Queens" doing yoga--and you will have an idea of what me and my partner looked like yesterday on the yoga mat. It is a good thing we can laugh at ourselves.

Four years and thirty pounds ago, I tried yoga for the first time. It was challenging to get into the positions back then--but nothing like this! I took an instructor-led class in those days at our local Unitarian Universalist's church...where I was also introduced to some fantastic vegetarian cooking. Ok, I digress but you know how I love food! The yoga teacher was like a gumby doll with dread locks. "Namaste", she would say before and after every class. During class she would help me find the right positions for opening the energy centers in my body. I would leave there feeling energized, balanced and inspired to eat things like tofu and drink green tea. I would feel at one with the world.

Yesterday, Mesei and I rented a yoga DVD from the library. First we juiced some fresh carrots in our juicer that hasn't been used since last October. We cleared a spot in our bedroom so he and I could practice yoga side-by-side. I had a little more experience with yoga so I thought I could help Mesei if his body was not in the correct position. It turns out he had to help me out of a few positions! I learned that my sedentary lifestyle and diet are imprisoning my inner being!

The DVD begins with the most beautiful mountain scenes. The instructor is a peaceful looking fellow with long and lean limbs. He wears his hair in a ponytail and has on organic clothing. Mesei and I had to dig in the dirty laundry for our sweat pants.

The instructor moves from one position to the other with ease. We have now moved from the mountain scenery to a beautiful garden. By the time we get into the same position as our instructor, that is 'if' we can get into the position, he has already moved through two or three additional positions. Just then, I realize we have rented an advanced yoga tape. "Damnit Mesei, we need yoga for dummies", I cry while trying to touch my toes. Mesei says, "forget about touching your toes, just touch your knees". To which I reply, "you touch your knees if you can, I'm touching my thighs". Now we have missed four or five positions by the time we can stand back to center!

I realize, after we have been doing this for 15 minutes, that Mesei has placed me in front of him for a reason. I feel his eyes burning into my buttocks and snap my head around to catch him being at one with my booty. I tumble to the floor and laugh. Day one of yoga is over and we only made it through two of the four scenes. Namaste! We eat oatmeal with nuts and dried cherries and drink lots of water. Then I feel myself being at one again...with the couch.