You Got Pregnant ... How?

Pregnancy. This built-in time bomb that many women seem to carry in their ovaries tends to lead to some rather...unique...approaches to becoming a human incubator.

I remember watching an episode of "Roseanne" back in 19(covers mouth), when the character was trying her hardest to conceive. After sex, she lay back on the bed with her legs straight up in the air, guiding the sperm to its rightful place in a dark region. And yes. . .I admit, I did that myself. My legs started to shake, and grew numb. When I tried to stand about ten minutes later, I landed in a lump on the floor so hard that it probably shook those sperm right back out of their happy place. And guess what? Sitting on a public toilet won't do it, either. Neither will drinking after a pregnant woman. Instead, try keeping intimacy relaxed and playful. Don't think too much. Keep yourself healthy. Maybe eat a lot of spinach.

Once you're there, boy or girl? Unless you are well versed in chemical reactions and are still able to run, I'm not sure urinating on Ajax or Drano is such a good idea. Even then, it depends on which book you are reading, or which website you are viewing, as to what color combination means what. The general consensus seems to be anything remotely blue points to a boy, while anything remotely green points to a girl. Personally, I have another use for this test. The smell alone will determine if you are really over your morning sickness.

Carry high, it's a girl. Carry low, it's a boy. I can personally attest to this, with the exception of my third child, whom I carried dead center. I'm trying to overlook the fact that she turned out to be a tomboy.

The best recommendation I can give is, go with the flow. Keep a record of those odd things you've tried, and see which ones seem to have worked. If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh during that 3am feeding.