You Know It's Hot When.....

The eastern states of Australia have recently been having unprecedented heat waves. Us folks here on the western coast are far more used to the temperatures the east coast are currently experiencing.

Personally I hate summer. Though if I lived somewhere whose summer rarely, if ever exceeded 90 degrees with night time minimums of around 65 degrees then I could change that statement to "I love summer". In fact all year round temperatures in those ranges might just be perfect. But I love winter - and late autumn and early spring. These times are far more preferable to the bits that are left over from those times.

I'm writing this article to 'vent'; to complain and solicit your sympathy.

I'm just back into the city after a 5 day heatwave down the farm (that has no air-conditioning). I deserted the chooks and plants this morning when the temperature at 0830am was 96 degrees and I do feel guilty not being there to cool down the chooks and plants as the temperatures rises to above110 after lunch time time. Last nights minimum temperature of 90 degrees decided me to bolt this morning.

Last week one of the Australian syndicated Breakfast TV shows asked people to email in stories about the heat. So here is my list of twenty ways you can tell if it really is hot;

You know it's hot WHEN .......

1..........Everything you touch is hotter than your body temperature .....the sheets are hot, the pillows are hot, all the furniture is hot, the toilet is hot, etc etc etc...ad infinitum,

2..........The outside breezes make you hotter (because they're above body temperature),

3..........If you drop an egg on the way back from the chook shed it fries on the path,

4..........It's so hot that when you open the chook house to let the chooks out for a free roam they opt to stay inside their pens,

5..........You have to turn on the car heater and fan on full bore to cool the engine a bit and you don't notice any difference in the ambient temperature (like this morning),

6..........If you spray yourself with a spray bottle and have parked yourself near the fan and look as though you are wet all over it dries within a minute,

7..........It's so hot that the (city) air-conditioning doesn't even cool you right down,

8..........You take the butter out of the fridge and it's runny with about ninety seconds,

9..........You use a large ice-cube to cool your arm down and it's melted before it gets to your elbow,

10.........You sweat doing simple chores such as a bit of tidying even when the air-conditioning is on,

11.........After dunking or dipping yourself in cold water you are hot again within a few seconds (showers seem useless under such conditions),

12.........The swimming pool water is like hot soup and you have to empty half of it out and put in cold water to cool it down again,

13.........You sweat walking a couple of yards,

14.........You can't use the phone cos you get just too sweaty,

15.........You take frozen bread slices out of the freezer and it's defrosted before you finish setting the table,

16.........You can't stop looking at photos of snow and blizzards,

17.........You drink over 4 liters (sorry I can't do gallons) of fluid before the evening comes around,

18.........You get a sore neck from standing right in front of the air-conditioner and tilting your head to keep apace of the fan's orbit,

19.........You cannot stand the thought of any skin contact with another human or pet,

20.........It's too hot to do anything besides watching daytime TV armed with a spray bottle of water you've just taken out of the freezer. Under such conditions even tapping keys on the computer can bring up a sweat.

Oh - and one more thing; if you mop the floor it dries instantly!! Where in USA does it get as hot as this?

Now - I better go get back to blending up frozen fruit drinks and then cooling down the swimming pool.

Keep posted.