You Can like Your Spouse a Lot More in Just 5 Minutes a Day!

Relationship. We were created for it, long for it, work for it, risk for it, hope for it and dream of it. But relationships, especially marriages are difficult sometimes. Often in the down and dirty of daily life, we start to loose sight of what is so special about the other person. The wonderful quality or qualities you fell in love with. Also, frequently, they change, sometimes for the worse. Still, if you are truly committed to your marriage there are some simple things you can do to make a significant difference in how much you really like being around that familiar face across the dinner table.

It is easy to find fault with your husband / wife

Quick. What are some things you hate about your spouse? Bet that did not take you any time at all...that is if you are finally done rattling off the list. It seems to be our natural tendency to identify and remember the things we dislike about each other. It is very easy to think of what they do wrong, what is annoying about how they do _______, how difficult they can be about ________.

Seeing the good in your spouse is often difficult

But try this. Immediately list off 10 good things about your spouse......still working on it? For many people, especially those who have made it past a couple of anniversaries, that list is much more difficult to remember or even figure out. Why? I do not pretend to have a complete answer for that, but I think at least partly it has to do with our society. We regularly make fun of others. Teasing an outcast at school can be a big pastime for some students. Most comedians use some form of put downs to encourage us to laugh. Frequently it is complaints about the latest stupid thing the boss did that is the most repeated gossip.

Spiritual forces influence how we see our spouses

But I believe it goes much deeper than just the natural tendencies of people. I am convinced satan knows exactly how thinking in such negative critical patterns can destroy marriages, friendships, and even our relationship with God. So he fuels our natural tendencies with critical thoughts, highlights the mistakes of those we love, and generally does all he can to make the list of bad things be the first thing we think of when we see them. What happens next is inevitable.

We can stop seeing the husband / wife we love and see only their flaws

Just like Pavlov and his dogs, we develop an association between seeing our spouse and remembering all the bad things about them. Now instead of seeing love in the face of our spouse, feeling our heart jump at their touch, sensing joy just being near, we see stubbornness in their face, feel grasping control in their touch, and sense tension when they are near. They mutate from being a reminder of feeling respected, admired, and wanted, to a near instant trigger for annoyance, distain, and stress.

Marriages are destroyed but such one sided thinking

When that occurs the marriage is heading for major trouble. Seriously, who really wants to spend their time with people that trigger them to feel tense, annoyed, frustrated, angry, hurt, or sad whenever they are around? It is like you no longer see your spouse, all you see are their flaws, inconsistencies, hurtful behaviors, and general ugliness.

Change your view - spend 5 minutes a day searching for the good in your husband / wife

While it is actually rather difficult sometimes, a solution is very simple. Deliberately, choose to look for, pay attention to, memorize, and tell them the good things about them. You can do this by spending just 5 min listing out every good quality or action you can think of EVERY morning. Then pick one or two items and compliment your spouse on them. At first this may be a difficult task and you may only be able to recognize just a couple of good points even with effort. However, with time and practice, just like your skill in finding faults, you will develop your skill in finding positives. As you do, you will gain a much more enjoyable, and realistic picture of your spouse. Toads that become princes when kissed still keep a few toad qualities, but even toads are not all bad. You just might discover your toad to be a prince or princess disguised as a toad rather than a toad disguised as a prince or princess! Whatever the case, concentrating on the good in and about your spouse will create new associations in your mind. They may not be exactly the same ones you had when you first fell in love, but they will be good, pleasant, happy, and enjoyable to be around. Over time, with practice, being with them starts to remind you of good things, love, respect, admiration, joy, being wanted, and feeling happy! In other words, you will like them better in just 5 min a day!

PS: If you do this consistently, there is a very good chance they will begin to act even more like the things you compliment them on or thank them for! (as long as you also stop the criticisms and put downs) They could actually change in ways that make it easier to find even more good points! Happy hunting!