You May Not Be Able to Change a Man, but You Can Change Seven Dwarfs

Snow White really isn't one of my favorite Disney stories. Its true. I think the only real reason I've seen it is because its considered a classic and I used to play that "Whistle Why You Work" song on the piano as a child. However, the tale proves as for many, a favorite childhood tale. As my friend Vicki recently sat me down to watch it (reluctantly), I noticed a few things. Wow, Walt, you really aimed to change the world... in fairy tale form. Here's a few life lessons I picked up from watching this classic from the Disney vault.

1) Grumpy the misogynistic Dwarf
If Ernest Hemingway were a dwarf, he'd be Grumpy. Grumpy hates women. Why does any man hate a woman? Probably because she tries to change him. Which leads me to my next point...

2) You may not be able to change a man, but you can change seven dwarfs
She makes it look so easy! What woman has ever been able to walk into a man's house, clean it up, wash their dishes, and make them take a shower? No one, I tell you. Men don't change and old dogs don't learn new tricks. Its a fact of life. However, somehow she manages to improve on these seven dwarfs and their nasty habits. I bet she could even get them to empty the dishwasher. The only sense I can make of this is that it is better to date a midget.

3) Don't take candy from strangers
Or poisoned apples for that matter. Seriously, if an evil queen is out to get you, its probably not a good idea to allow a strange ugly women into your cottage. Especially when a bunch of animals talented at tidying up said cottage try to warn you by attacking her (Who's Dopey now???). Animals have a sixth sense. If my dog freaks out, no one is there, I immediately draw the conclusion that it must be a ghost and freak out. Fido's never wrong with these sorts of things. Neither is Bambi.

4) If you're beautiful, your dad will love you but won't know you're missing or in danger of being killed.
Why is it that the King, Snow White's dad, has no clue where his daughter is? My dad freaks out if I don't call or email him every four days. Perhaps before the advent of such technological devices it was a bit harder to keep in touch. They did have magical mirrors, though. So you'd think he'd invest in one of those to keep tabs on his daughter.

5) If you're beautiful, pick wildflowers, and sing well, a handsome prince will fall in love with you.
Perhaps the most oddly debated point of this story. Women everywhere roll their eyes (I should say Feminists everywhere, but I digress) when the handsome prince falls in love with Snow White at first sight. Perhaps its her raven colored hair and porcelain complexion, her four octave range, or her water fetching skills. Whatever the reason, he falls head over heels in less time than it takes to sing a song. Does this happen in real life? Perhaps lust can occur, but as for the "I'd walk a million miles in an enchanted forest for you and kiss you when you're dead" type of love, I think not. Perhaps we all should have taken singing lessons early on and developed an interest in botany.

6) You don't need singing lessons, make-up, or a forest attitude
Perhaps the reason the prince fell in love with her had nothing to do with her outer beauty at all. See, Snow White didn't live in a time where Avon ladies were a-calling. Back then, Botox was still a toxin and Spanx didn't even exist. Sure, she was beautiful, but she didn't try to be something she was not. She just happened to be the fairest of them all, unlike the evil queen, who with her lies and inability to accept her shortcomings led her to become uglier than she was. Even the mirror couldn't lie.

I think the real life lesson here is that you shouldn't try to be something you are not. Maybe you are not supposed to end up with the handsome prince. Perhaps you'll end up with Dopey. Or Doc - hey, he might not be a surgeon but he went to medical school and those guys are always good to take home to mom and dad.

7) Be yourself and true love will find you. Walt Disney, that ole' romantic that he was, knew this. And this is the underlying undertone (does that make sense?) of this whole fairy tale. You don't have to be a princess. You don't have to be evil. Be you (but don't be evil).

And they all lived happily ever after. The End.