You Might Just Be from the Midwest If...

Sometimes I am amazed at the enormous size of the United States. Other times I'm baffled at the paltry amount of potato chips in a bag at the grocery store.

Once upon a time, consumers actually bought food in a package that was not half full of air. Life was so much simpler back then. People were more involved with their immediate family and friends. Today it seems that people are so busy with work and social commitments that they are "running around in circles."

Sure, there were those in the 60's and 70's that were running around in circles. They "marched to the beat of their own drum." That was their story and they were sticking to it, especially when they were questioned by the police regarding certain questionable activities. "Hey Mr. Policeman, I heard this groovy song on my VW radio so I just jumped out at the light to dance for a minute, man." Those were happy days; although, the traffic didn't move very quickly. Sometimes it could take an hour to go 3 miles.

Well-known 70's singer, Billy Preston, eloquently expressed every young person's pervasive questions in "Will It Go Round In Circles". Young people didn't like rules and, distrusted anyone over 30. Now these very same people, who are way over 30 years old, are doing well to remember their actual age. How fortunate for those who were born in 1940, 1950 or 1960. They can quickly calculate their age while the rest of us born in other years are not so lucky. "Let's see. Am I going to be 65 or 56? Is that rap music still around? Just give me that "old time rock and roll".

Billy wrote about a song that had no melody. He also wrote about a story that had no moral and, a dance that had no steps. His question was: "Will it go round in circles. Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky." His core message was: "We don't like rules and, we're not too fond of question marks either."

You may wonder what any of this has to do with the title: "You Might Just Be From The Midwest If..." I also questioned this and then remembered one of the signs that you may, indeed, be from the Midwest is if you tend to ramble some and veer off the main topic. I have been known to do this once or twice. Also some of us in the Midwest tend to exaggerate a story, with the purpose of making it more interesting.

One of our favorite activities is to embellish stories from the past. An example of this would be a particular story that my cousin, "J.G." (not his real name...but used because I will have more stories about him in the future and, some of them may be slightly exaggerated) likes to tell every year at our family reunion. This story takes place 40 years ago and involves: alcohol, jail, bail, our grandmother, an uncle/father, a cousin, etc. etc. It's one of those wild and crazy stories that could happen to almost any two cousins from Michigan during the 70's. J.G. who has been known to slightly inflate stories, is in his glory while re-telling this story. Each year, every part of his story is funnier than when he last told it...at least it is to me and the other cousins. I certainly admire the cousin's spouses who attempt to listen to this historical account but, usually decide to call it an early night. 7 o'clock is certainly early, although they remind us that in Germany it is the middle of the night. After saying: "Gute Nacht" to them, J.G. continues his story replete with imitations of all the key characters. I wonder what my grandmother would say if she was still here and heard J.G.'s story. I think she would say: "Jimmy, you know you boys weren't supposed to do that." Oops, looks like grandma gave away Jim's name.

There is actually an end to this story. If you're still here, you'll be relieved. If you're not here, you're missing out on this sensational account of your lovable and unique Midwestern neighbors.

We like family and, not just our own. When we have a good friend, we know not only the names of his or her siblings but, also the names of the aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, dogs and even gerbils.

We overlook the cold winters and enjoy the summers. Although we're known to say: "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." We're also fond of comparing previous winters to the last one. "This winter wasn't so bad; do you remember the snow from '92?" Exaggerated stories ensue in which Tommy and Timmy shoveled their way out of a 20 foot drift in minus 30 degree weather. What makes it especially interesting is that they did this with their bare hands. They didn't have a shovel and, somehow lost their gloves. But they were determined to get out of the house. They heard that there was a sale at the T-Shirt Shack.

As every Midwesterner knows, you can never have too many t-shirts.

My favorite shirt, since I'm from Michigan, is a finger pointing to a spot on a hand, proclaiming that "Farmington Hills Is My Hometown."

We in the Midwest are proud of our hometowns; and, what better way to express this than wearing a t-shirt with a hand on it. We don't need pictures of mountains or oceans to show where we were born.

I salute the Midwest for all the beauty of the lakes and forests and of course, the wonderful people who live there.

I am proud to carry a map of my beloved state on my hand. Just ask me where I'm from and, I'll point to a place on my hand. I'll tell you all about it although it may be a little exaggerated. If you say: "Gute Nacht", I'll understand that it's the middle of the night in Germany and, time for you to leave.