You Might Be a Mountain Biker If

When Jeff Foxworthy started using his "You might be a redneck if" jokes, he took the comic world by storm. Part of his success can certainly be attributed to his observations that most people either fit his jokes or they know people who do. In that spirit of fun, here are a few observations of those of us who ride mountain bikes.

You might be a mountain biker if you can't park in your garage because it's full of bikes and bike parts. And depending on the level of seriousness in biking, you may have more parts than complete bikes. (And most of those may even be broken.)

You might be a mountain biker if among that plethora of biking equipment you own are a pair of studded tires. That way you can ride even when the trails are snow and ice covered. Although when you do that without the studded tires it makes an interesting combination of skiing (without the skis) and biking. I would advise choosing a rather flat trail. The snow will build up on your brakes and won't matter whether you have disc brakes or pads. Other than that, it's loads of fun.

You might be a mountain biker if it takes you several toothbrushes and over an hour to work all the mud and dirt out from your chainrings and the chain itself. Okay so it would be easier to hose the bike off immediately after the ride. If you use more toothbrushes cleaning your bike than you do brushing your teeth, congratulations! You must really be an extreme MTB rider or you're really obsessive about your bike.

You might be a mountain biker if in your bike repair kit you include spare brake pads. If you decide to try downhill with a bike using conventional brakes, I would advise that you include those pads. Although I have had one pad just fall off while riding. (Don't ask!)

You might be a mountain biker if when deciding on a new vehicle, you must first see how many bikes it will hold before you actually test drive it. The second check would be to make sure it handles well off the road so you can get to the more exciting trails. After all, you have to haul your bike in it and you know at some point, you're going to have to haul your buddies and their bikes too.

You might be a mountain biker if you refer to the people you ride with by the bike they ride on rather than by name. Because you can't remember their name. But you can easily remember what their bike looks like and who made it.

You might be a mountain biker if the only time you go to the ski slopes is over the summer months so you can bike down them. After all, dirt is more fun than snow. Mud's even better.

You might be a mountain biker if a good ride is when at least one person has a truly spectacular crash. At that point, maybe they're not a good mountain biker or you need to find new trails.

You might be a mountain biker if you've had to true up your wheels so many times that you can do it while not missing a second of your favorite TV show. Or worse yet, your significant other can true your wheels better than you can. (Perhaps they're a mountain biker in disguise.)

You might be a mountain biker if you have a sheath set up to mount on your frame so you can carry a machete with you to make your own trails. Try not to ride with these bikers unless they are really good riders or you know where the nearest clearing is to use for the emergency medical helicopter.