You're Gonna Love Me

We had three years of history, good and bad, but mostly bad. He was my homie, my lover and most of all my friend. We were inseperable and anytime we were apart I would miss him so. From the moment we met the relationship was rocky. One minute we could be so in love and the next any little thing I did would send him a violent frenzy. He has blackened my eye , busted my nose and lip and even fractured a rib but I stayed because he always promised he would change and would tell me that he loves me so much and if I left he would kill himself because life without me was nothing. He would kiss the "hurt" and buy me nice things. My feet would get rubbed as well as my back for a few days so I could forget about the bad stuff. We would travel to exotic locations and enjoy the best of anything. I wore only the top designer labels and always traveled first class. I never had to work or clean because no woman of his would work for a white man. When he was bad he was bad, but when he was good he was great.

One day I decided to surprise him since it was his day off of work. I left early in the morning after fixing him some of my famous french toast and scrambled cheese eggs with a side of grits and orange slices sliced thin , just how he like them. Told him I was going to run some errands and stop by my mothers house. I would be back after five so his best bet was to eat out. I never meant that literally. I rushed to the mall and hit Fredericks of Hollywood with my Visa. Charged up two hundred dollars worth of sexy lingerie. Stopped at Bakers shoe store and found the perfect pair of red stillettos for the lingerie and then saw a pair of Nike sneakers that I knew my man would love next door at Foot Locker, so I got those too.I call my boy for some good green and cop a half of the best from him. Grabbed a bite to eat at Subway.(At that time I was still a meat eater: I am now a proud vegetarian.) Anyways, figured I would stop at the local liquor store and grab a bottle of his favorite, Hennessey and then I would go to the grocery store and get all the ingredients for a mean lasagna. I charge the liquor to the credit card and see my balance is already too low for me to continue shopping. Oh well, I'll just go back home and get cash. Rolled over to OUR apartment and began hearing voices at the top of the steps.

Put the key in and pushed the door open , all was silent. Close the door and forget to take the key out. Run to the bedroom and see the bed is a mess, begin to think I am going crazy. Call out my mans name and get no response. Begin to get a little scared , maybe someone broke in, but why? Walk slowly to the hallway and peek in the bathroom. All looks clear in there. Walk further to the living room, couch is a little ruffled but nothing too suspicious maybe he was laying there before he left.Creep over to the guest bedroom , still nothing. Begin to ease up a bit. Let me check the kitchen and then I can get out of here. Just then I hear a noise in the kitchen so I go to the bathroom and grab the plunger. Not sure if I was going to plunge the criminal or the toilet. Get by the kitchen entrance and see that the back porch door is wide open. They left out the back? I go out to the porch and there lies a pile of sheets with three feet hanging out from underneath . I recognize the pair of feet belong to my man so I pull back the sheets and there he lies naked with his female friend, she is also naked. He tries to get up and come towards me but I put my hand out in front to stop him." Its not what you think " he says.I start to laugh and then I cry and then I laugh some more. Dont know what came over me or why but I walk away and walk right out of the apartment and down the stairs. I get in the truck and I drive. I drive for what seems like days but was actually hours and decide to finally head back "home". I get there and notice that his car is still there. I sit and I wait because I don't want to go to jail tonight. I go inside and he speaks." Look baby, please let me explain..", he pleads with that pathetic look in his eye. I dont feel sorry for him anymore. "Go now," I say, "and come get your things tommorow." He beins to walk towards me tries to look in my eyes. "I should have let you go a long time ago but its okay, I am letting you go now.Please be a man and go silently and peacefully.I have no more respect for you and will never trust you again so it is over." I got it all out. I knew I should have left this reletionship long ago but sometimes the idea of being in love is stronger than love itself. I have since grown and matured and believe that it was just a learning experience. The problem now...finding that great man.