You are the Sugar in My Tea

I was watching a show that laid out the statistics of domestic violence and the results were staggering. It is a shame that so many men, and some women, have no idea how to be in a relationship. How do we protect ourselves from it? It starts by being the sugar in someone's tea!

In Kenya, we always hung out with people that our parents, friends or relatives knew. There was no way you would be with somebody that you couldn't draw at least 5 other connection lines to via other people. The courtship usually started with those LONG walks around the estate with you and he talking about everything and nothing. There were the silly little notes that talked about you being the only lump of sugar in his tea, the blue band on his bread (c'mon…you know the lines). This may have been silly, but you two were establishing a relationship based on a true knowledge of who the other was. The fact that the woman was not completely accessible made the courtship so much sweeter. My husband calls it slow-walking the person (apparently a southern term).

Ladies, let yourself be slow-walked. Let the man chase you. Let him appreciate how hard he had to work to get you. This is entirely for your protection. When men invest in anything, they are more apt to want to keep it, after all, all that work would be for nothing, otherwise. He also is less likely to be abusive and put you down because he knows that there was a long line and he happened to have hit the jackpot when he got you. Men, this isn't a male-bashing segment - just a reality check for women. If he has a very quick temper and blames you for everything in his life that goes wrong - RUN. If he tells you that you can't do anything right, you are lucky that he came along, otherwise you would not have had anyone - RUN. These are signs of an abusive personality. This is where slow-walking comes in. You will learn a person through many conversations and time together in different situations. He needs to know that you have strong ties with family and friends. You also need to see if he has strong relationships with his. If he spends time criticizing your friends and family, and trying to seperate you from them - RUN.

Be the sukari (sugar) in someone's chai (tea). There is someone for everyone. Raise your standards high. There is a saying that men worth their weight in salt do not pick the apples that have fallen under the apple tree. They usually will climb the tree to get the fruit that is on top, as it is the best and sweetest. Be the apple at the top of the tree. It may seem like nothing is happening, but, the one worth you WILL come. Enjoy being the blue-band (margarine) on the bread!