You Think it Shouldn't Make You so Mad

We all find ourselves upset with something or someone now and then. To make it worse, we sometimes get angry with ourselves for being mad in the first place. Being mad about being mad, doubles the madness. Try these steps to get past it.

I hear this from clients: "Grrr. I'm so mad at her. I can't believe she did that! She does this all the time. Why do I let it get to me so much?!" Or something along those lines anyway.

Sound familiar?

I'm sure you can think of a time where (1) you were frustrated with someone about something and (2) you were also frustrated with yourself for being irritated in the first place. I know it happened to me a few times just last week!

Recall the last time you were irritated about being irritated. Could it have taken you longer to get over the situation than if you had been okay with your frustration? When we judge ourselves for our reactions, we often double the effort required to regain our balance.

Next time you find yourself mad for being mad, try these steps to get past it.

1. Acknowledge how you feel about the situation. [I'm mad at her for what she did, and I'm mad at myself for being mad about it.]

2. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. Safely and privately express your emotions. [If you're angry, allow yourself to be angry. Get it out by writing it down, by yelling--some place where it's safe and private--or by going for a walk or run.]

3. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you shouldn't be angry about what happened. [I shouldn't be mad because she does this all of the time--I should expect it.]

4. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you feel irritated about the incident. [She always talks down to me, and it's so rude.]

5. Tell new stories. [I can choose to stay calm even when others are uppity. She is who she is, and oh, well.]

I recently walked through a similar scenario with a client. She found the most relief once she stopped being upset with herself about being upset. We are the hardest on ourselves. When she found peace with her reaction, it was easy to change the story about the crazy woman she was facing.

Be gentle with yourself when someone is acting crazy. Being mad about being mad only doubles the madness!