"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid"

I can't remember who the softy was that got him the BB gun, but he got it. In the end he did have an accident with it. Well this year both myself and my son's father were the softies. Since we are no longer together it's not like we shop together. Pretty ironic we both decidd to indulge our son with a BB gun. I bought him a really decent looking bb gun that can go from one shot to automatic with a click. It it the hand held one, the one that looks like a handgun, not a rifle. The BB's were plastic and glow in the dark. I was quite nervous about this purchase, but after all, he is fourteen and very mature. I figured it would be the best present he got from me because it would be something he'd never ever expect from me since I wouldn't even allow him a cap gun. When he tested it out I was quite happy, as it did no damage to the items he hit. If hit with it, it would sting, but that's about it. Of course he'd still have to be careful not to "shoot your eye out kid" !

In comes Daddy's present. Always somehow one ups me without even trying. He too got him a BB gun. His was quite different than mine though. It looks like a rifle (or shotgun? I don't know the difference). This one shot metal BB's too. He tested out on the yellowbook pages, yes, that extremely thick phonebook. Well darn if it didn't go almost straight though! Here comes trouble. I knew if he accidentally hit himself or someone else with this BB gun it would surely require a trip to the ER. I sat him down and had "the talk" with him about it and its dangers, and yes, allowed him to keep it. Normally whatever my ex buys him for Christmas stays at his house. For some strange reason he allowed him to take this present home with him. Huh.

Since we have sliding doors to the backyard, he was able to open them wide and take aim at bottles, etc. way out in our garden. No one around, plus he got to not freeze to death while playing with his new "toy". Don't let anyone tell you video games are good for nothing, because his aim is so good I wonder if someday he'll be a sniper for the secret service or something! He could literally blow the cap, just the cap off the bottles from such a distance, unreal.

So last night I wasn't feeling all that well, and perhaps not thinking exactly clearly. He set up a target in the livingroom. Yes (sigh) I did say the livingroom. It was a large old metal casing from an old computer, and he drew a bulls eye on it. I guess him being such a good shot, in my fog I didn't protest. Things were going along fairly well until I heard a different kind of sound. The sound that made me say "uh oh". I immediately ran (in Jenn's term's that's shuffled) into the livingroom. All I heard was this odd crinkling sound. Turned around and there it was. The large window on our front door I can't even say "spidered" the entire thing was an almost beautiful pattern of triangles. The crackling got louder and I was afraid the whole window was gonna blow!

I figured if I covered it immeditely with cardboard it would be safer, that way if the pieces actually did start to fall out, it would do so inside the cardboard. I instructed him to stay away from that door at all cost. The way our houses are built down here, the basement door is actually in the front, so no problem there. So I set to work. Funny thing is, the outside of the window was smooth as a baby's butt. Thank God for double panes or we would have been pretty cold last night!

So did I yell and carry on? No. Did I give him a severe punishment? No. Want to know why? As the parent I should have never allowed him to set that up in the livingroom to begin with. So it is partially my fault. I didn't get angry about the window, windows can be replaced, eyes can't. So why then did I not punish him to teach him a lesson? He was doing plenty of that himself. His remorse was overcoming him. He was thinking of all kinds of ways he should be punished and wanted me to cash in all his Christmas gift cards to replace the window. I assured him he need not pay for it. It was an accident, and it could have been prevented if I had just said: "hey son, that's not a good idea". He would not have protested, he's a really good boy and always does as I ask, so it would not have been a big deal in the least.

I explained to him there are different types of mistakes, and different punishments that go accordingly. I explained that as his parent I should have never let him do what he was doing and I accept my part in it too. I also explained that me yelling and screaming about the window certainly wouldn't make the keleidescope of a window return to it's former smooth condition. He did not do this on purpose, and explained that some people make some really lousy choices in life and those fit the bill of punishment.

His sister got arrested at a mere fifteen underage drinking. She had two times the legal limit of blood alcohol. She did pay for her mistake. She paid all court fees, paid to take the alcohol classes that were part of her sentence and paid to put in her forty hours of community service. Yes, you do have to pay to perform community service if it is court ordered. She also knew she had to not get in trouble again at least within the following six months, and all would be erased from her record. I did not punish her other than making her pay for everything out of her savings. She did all that and today at seventeen is alcohol free and graduating both high school and with an associates degree in college.

So why did I make her pay and not Mikey? Mikey's was truly an accident. You can't get accidently drunk (don't know anyone who bumped into a bottle of Jack and got wasted!) and arrested.

This mistake could have been a lot worse, he could have hurt himself. I explained to him that his remorse was obvious and sincere, and that is very important. The reason for punishment is to give the child time to think about what they did and how it was wrong, and how to not repeat the mistake. All that was quite evident in his words and actions last night, so I chose no punishment. This was not good enough for him though, he wanted a punishment. So now I have a helper around the house, as he will be cleaning. Couldn't really find anything appropriate since as I said, he already learned his lesson and was extremely remorseful.

Sometimes, and I emphasize sometimes, a better lesson can be learned by a peaceful discussion over the mistake. There are children out there who just don't care and believe they can run around doing whatever they want. These children need a firm, strong personality to put them straight. The lesson here is each mistake must be dealt with individually, there is not a "blanket" punishment. One needs to know their children and know the proper steps to be taken when they make mistakes.